…With light, somewhere in the distance…”

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August 21st, 2016

New York City, New York

9pm

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I am finally home. Home is New York City, a place that I have grown to loathe over the years. There is just something about it that I absolutely despise. I don’t think it boils down to just one thing, but a plethora of things. An abundance of hate if you will. I arrived home and decided to write an entry in this journal. I started it a few months ago, but never wrote out my thoughts since. Today is a day for change however and I decided to write. It is more of a confession than a journal entry actually. I am planning something and many people will find it horrible. If I am caught at some point and this journal is found, I am sure that these words will be considered the ramblings of a mad man.

But what makes someone a mad man? Everyone immediately labels someone that when they appear strange or do odd things. They call him a sociopath. When someone takes the life of another human being, he is called a psychopath. But if our country is at war with another, how many lives do we lose? How many lives from the opposing side are lost? Are all of these men declared psychopaths? Are they all mad men? Does anyone really take the time to sit back and look at the entire situation surrounding the so called mad man, the psychopath, or do they peer into the eyes of the face printed on the newspaper? I firmly believe that it is the latter, because that is the easy thing to do. To be quick in judgment.

That is what has happened to me, especially with my chosen profession. I have been called crazy and insane. I have been called a lunatic. And why do you ask? Because it is the fun thing to do. Because I am not a very sociable person. Because my job revolves around hurting others, so I do that and I do it very well. I am chastised for my behavior, but no one knows why I am the way that I am. Nobody cares to hear or to learn about the hell I grew up in. Nobody cares to learn about the abuse I suffered. It gets laughed at and brushed off. And people wonder why Columbine happened. People wonder why shootings are becoming more of a rare occurrence. People can say that the shooters were good people and that they grew up in a nice neighborhood and had a wonderful family.

No one knows what happens behind closed doors. No one takes the time to figure out what was inside the person’s head. They are all so quick to judge. I’ve been judged and discriminated against. Hated against. It is why I went out of my way to destroy Ace Marshall. It is why I will continue my work, going after Zoe Sperling so I can bring her plenty of bodily harm. But I am planning on doing much worse than that, away from work, outside of the wrestling ring. I have come back home, to this God forsaken city. I am going to pick off its citizens one by one. It is all part of the plan. But then again, it is more of a game really and the inhabitants here, they are all my pawns. I am like God, except I truly exist. I am the God that they don’t believe in. I am the true God that they fear, because I do them as they do me. I judge them because I sit back and observe their behaviors. I live amongst them unlike the God depicted in the Good Book. I sit with them while they eat and chatter. I see the looks on their faces as they quietly judge those around them with their thoughts. I have been in the same room as the pedophiles and the pimps. The drug addicts. The whores. I sit quietly amongst the noise, with idle threats coming from taxicabs and across streets. I have sat back and watched as others just tolerate it.

They tolerate it because they feel like they can do nothing or they simply do not care. I know that I can do something. I do care so I WILL do something. I just simply do not care about the well-being of those around me anymore.

9/11 brought this city as well as many other cities together, in unison. It takes tragedy to bring this moronic world together. Walking the streets of this city, I wish that there were more planes that crashed, leveling all of these buildings, killing all of these people, crushing those in the streets. I wish Hurricane Sandy flooded the streets and wiped anyone and everyone, anything and everything, out.

I am going to do my part in burning New York City to the fucking ground. It won’t be in a day or even a week. Not even a month. I haven’t given myself a timeframe, because I am unsure of how long I will be able to orchestrate this game. That said, I am going to do what I can little by little, spreading fear, creating panic, waking these miserable excuses for human beings up from their social media slumbers, their digital damnation. As Amy has become, the inhabitants will grow paranoid of one another, because people these days, they are so easily manipulated. Like Ace has done, the concept of fear and worry will spread quickly. And I will be here, watching as this city slowly but surely tears itself apart, little by little, until there is barely anything left.

I will be fear.

I will be panic.

And then, when the dust has settled, I will be king. All without having to lift a finger.

I bring my pen away from the paper and close the journal. I let out a sigh as I sit in my living room, the room dimly lit as I stare out at the city as the night comes to life. I stare at it in disgust and shake my head, before opening the journal back up and re-reading my entry. As I go over the words, feeling the life within the sentences, I realize that Abel and I truly are becoming one.

Of one mind, of one body.

And then I hear, “Are you okay with that, James? Do you take comfort in knowing that?” I look over my shoulder to find Heath standing in front of the door leading into my living room.

“What are you doing here, Heath?” I ask, turning away from the window of my apartment, overlooking the city, resting the journal down on the floor as I rush towards him.

“To try and talk you out of whatever it is that you have planned. Whatever is running through your mind, you need to ignore it,” He says as his eyes stay with mine, as I stop just a few inches before him.

“Well, right now, you’re in my head. So you’re saying that I should ignore you. Trust me, that won’t be a problem. I figured getting rid of Kismet would get rid of you as well,” I say with a scowl forming on my face, “I guess I will have to try a little harder next time, huh?”

Heath lowers his head, shaking it, “I knew you’d hurt someone. I tried to warn Dr. Vaughn about it but it turned out, I was too late. That is why I am here, James. You’re letting Abel win and you know that you’re letting him win. Surely you can see that is nothing short of a bad idea.”

I shake my head, “Abel has done nothing but open my eyes, Heath. Your sister tried to hold me back and now you’re here to do the same. You are doing what Vaughn asked you to do and Vaughn will find out sooner rather than later that he’s not going to win. He will realize that the only person he will need to try and save will be himself.”

Heath steps a little closer. I can see the concern on his face, “What do you and Abel have planned, James?”

I smirk, “Don’t you already know?”

The concern remains on his face with our eyes locked as Heath shakes his head slowly, “No, James, I do not. You and Abel are in your own little world together, pushing the rest of us out. The ones who are trying to protect you…we live in fear of you and Abel, especially after what happened to Kismet.”

I turn away, rolling my eyes, before turning to face him once more, “Kismet wanted me to see the good in people, yet she never tried to get me to see the good in Abel. Why is that?”

Heath fires back quickly, “Because there is no good in Abel. The more time you are around him, the closer the two of you get, there will be no good in you. Killing Kismet…that took a lot of it away. You are letting yourself become Abel.”

I shake my head, “Maybe I am allowing Abel to become more like me. Besides, Abel doesn’t hold me back. Kismet did. I was dragging my feet with her. She was like shackles, Heath. I had to break them and once I rid myself of Kismet…I felt freer than I had ever felt. I still feel free to this day. And I am not about to let go of that feeling. I haven’t felt this way in a long, long time.”

“You don’t truly believe that do you, James? You are not free. If you were free then you wouldn’t need Abel. I wouldn’t be here. There would be no voices in your head,” Heath explains.

I run my hands over my face, feeling an anger rise, “I am so sick of this, Heath. I am sick of you and any other voice in my head. The only one I listen to, the only one that has stuck by me…has been Abel. You and the rest of them, they have all told me no, no, no. Abel says yes, yes, yes. None of you deserve me. None of you are worthy enough for me to listen to,” I say, shoving Heath back.

He puts his hands up, as if he is trying to block me, to keep me from hurting him, “You felt powerless not too long ago, did you not? After Abel took over. You know that you did. I could sense it, James. I felt it too. Is that what you want? To feel powerless every single time?”

I slap his hands down, backing him around the living room. I grin as I lock eyes with his, “I felt powerless because I didn’t know what Abel had done. Amy…I do care for her while Abel does not. We have a difference of opinion on that matter, but unlike Amy, Abel is looking out for my best interests. When he explained to me what had happened, I couldn’t help but feel relief. He was, as he is now…as he has always done…he’s protecting me. And where have you been?” I ask, shouting, before leaning in closer, “You’ve been cowering in fear. Staying in the back of my mind. You, and the rest of the voices, have become afterthoughts, just as your sister has,” I say, with a chuckle as I back away slightly.

Heath lowers his gaze from mine, “You need to let Vaughn help you, James. Just talking to you now, I can see that you are running out of time.”

“Oh come off it, Heath. The only people running out of time…are those around me, making up the rest of the world. Those insects,” I say, pointing towards the living room window overlooking the city, “They are all living on borrowed time. And Vaughn, he can’t save anyone. He doesn’t realize it yet. Maybe he doesn’t want to believe it, but once I am finished with this, he will have nothing else to do but accept it.”

I then turn away from Heath and begin to walk away, but he calls out to me, stopping me in my tracks as he says, “James, don’t do this. Please…I am begging you. There is still good in you. Kismet saw it in you. Vaughn sees it in you. I…see it in you.”

I do not turn to him. I stare straight ahead, as if I am leaving my past behind as I reply, “Then you are all blind. This world took the good in me, the innocence I once had and now…it is time for everyone to suffer,” I say with a smirk.

Heath sighs softly, “Hasn’t there been enough suffering, James? You’ve gone through enough. You need to ask yourself when is it going to be enough.”

I draw in a deep breath, doing my best to ignore Heath’s words, but the more he talks, the harder it is, “I don’t know, Heath. I don’t when or if it will ever be enough. I feel good when I make others hurt. It is a feeling that is truly hard to describe. It is like a high I’ve never experienced before until recently. I am growing addicted to it.”

Heath responds, “You’ve overcome addictions before, James. You can beat this one and that is what Abel is to you right now. He is an addiction. A chemical in your brain. Sooner or later, not even that will be enough. Do you think you really want to go down that road? Abel may seem okay with you just hurting people in the ring but like I said…sooner or later it won’t be enough. He is going to want to run out into the streets of New York and beat people to a pulp or even kill them. He is going to want you to break in Katelyn’s apartment and follow through with raping her before smothering your daughters.”

Hearing Heath speak causes a surge of anger to rush through my body. I feel as my hand forms a fist before I drive it into the wall once, twice, three times, letting out a muffled roar before turning and glaring at Heath, “You think that I don’t think about that, Heath? I am sure Vaughn probably thinks that I don’t, but you’re both wrong. I think about that shit every day. Every single fucking day it crosses my mind. It scares me to death, but it also gives me a rush. That worries me and excites me at the same time. I struggle with figuring out what I want to eat or drink sometimes. I struggle with going over and bashing Katelyn’s boyfriend’s head in. I black out and find myself standing in front of the door of my apartment with a crowbar in my hand. I hear Abel tell me to go do it. I fight him more than people know. But I give in because like I said…I get pleasure from hurting others.”

“James, Kismet tried warning you. You are going to become of one body, of one mind with Abel and when that happens, there will be no coming back. There will be no way to stop you unless you catch a bullet between the eyes. Is that really the path you want to take?”

I shake my head, “You think that I really have a choice? I think about that, too. I am heading down that path already, Heath. I already know this. I live with it every day. But you’re right. There will be no going back. I may like it. I may not. Depends on when you ask me, but it is something that I know I have to truly accept. I know that there is no saving me. I told Vaughn this not too long ago. I don’t know if he accepted it, but the both of you need to.”

Heath walks over towards me, “You know Kismet wouldn’t have wanted this. Even if you say she is an afterthought, I can still tell you that she wouldn’t have wanted this to happen to you, for you to let yourself go down this path of destruction.”

I push Heath back a little bit, no longer making eye contact, doing my best to maintain my anger, “Heath, I can’t care about what Kismet wanted. I can’t care about what anyone else wants. It does nothing for me. You may be trying to continue what Kismet was trying to do, but listen to me very carefully. I want you to stay away from me. You NEED to stay away from me, otherwise you will suffer the same fate as her…”

Heath cuts me off, “James…”

I shake my head, looking up at him. I feel my body shaking, ready to attack, “Heath I am giving you fair warning. Consider this mercy. Leave and never come back. There is no saving me. Whatever is going to happen will happen. It can’t be stopped. Know that I accept it and leave me be…” I say before shoving him back and turning away.

____________________________________

August 24th, 2016

CenturyLink Center

Omaha, Nebraska

____________________________________

“So who do you have in mind?” Abel asks, as I place my gloves over my hands, strapping them in good and tight.

“He’s someone that I know quite well. He trained me, Abel, to be a wrestler,” I say, as I look down at my hands as they form into fists. I cup one hand and drive my fist into it, before switching hands and doing the same thing. The more I do it, the more I visualize David Miller’s face instead of my hand.

“You mean…Hudson?” Abel asks, as he hovers above me.

I nod my head, “Yes, that is exactly who I mean.”

“Why him?”

I crack a smirk, “It’s simple really. Hudson trained me. He told me he would be there to help me out when and if I ever needed it, yet he hasn’t been. He sent me out as sheep amidst the wolves so to speak. It is time that Hudson pays for that.”

Abel takes a seat beside me as my eyes remain on my hands, “So do you plan on attacking him or his family? Why not both? That would be so much fun. You have to agree. We could watch them all squirm. Maybe even see a few of them cry.”

I shake my head from side to side, “Yeah, Abel that would be fun but this is between Hudson and I. No one else. His family…they have nothing to do with this. Just as this war I have going, it only centers around me and Syren, it only concerns us. Ace, Amy, and Katelyn…they have all interfered because they are worried for her safety. Tonight, I am going to make sure that she feels that concern herself, not just based upon the words of others.”

A smile forms on Abel’s face, his eyes showcasing his excitement, “And how do you plan on doing that?”

This time a smile forms on my face, “I am going to make an example out of David Miller. He mocked me for not drinking, saying that I had gone soft. It is time that he realizes that I am the exact opposite. Tonight, I am going to make him eat his words. Tonight, I am not going out to the ring for a match. I am going out there to end a career. Miller will not be walking out of that ring without help. He came back, just as Ace did, with the red fucking carpet rolled out for him. He hasn’t had to struggle like I have to get that…” I say, pointing at the SCW title before continuing, “I am going to make sure he never comes back.”

Abel nods his head in approval, “I like the sound of that. But pardon my excitement,” Abel says before kneeling in front of me, with hands clasped together, “But when are we going after Hudson? I need to know. I have to know. I can’t stand it. I am ready to see you go to work.”

“As soon as he responds to my text. I sent him one talking about getting together since we haven’t seen one another in quite some time,” I say, “He always said that he wanted to get together and celebrate whenever I won the SCW title. He promised that we would. Now that I have won the belt, it is time for him to make good on his promise.”

I hear a knock on my door. I look at Abel before getting up. I look through the peephole to check and see if it is Ace or any of his little whores he has running around with him, but instead I see a stagehand. I open the door and acknowledge him. I tell him to give me a moment before closing the door behind me. I look at Abel, “Tonight will be the culmination of something I started a few months ago. Syren will see just how dangerous I am. Ace will get a reminder. Nebraska is going to be the final resting place of Miller’s bullshit career,” As I turn to leave the room, I hear my phone go off. I reach down and grab it out of my bag as a smile appears on my face, “He responded…”

Abel grins, “What did he say?”

“He told me to send him the details once I get back home,” I toss my phone back into the bag. I reach down and grab the SCW Championship. I open the door to my locker room and step outside.

As I step out, I hear Abel say, “Don’t have too much fun, James. We need to make sure we have plenty of it with Hudson,” I turn and nod in agreement just as the door closes, with Abel standing in the center of the room.

____________________________________

August 27th, 2016

New York City, New York

____________________________________

“Nice pad, James…” Hudson says as he steps inside of my apartment, and looks around, “This is how the young grasshopper is living,” His eyes scan the apartment. I close the door behind him as he continues to look around, bragging about how luxurious the apartment is. Oh how the mighty have fallen, I think to myself as I watch my former mentor look around, listening to his words, “You are doing very, very well for yourself, James. I am beyond proud of you, champ,” He says, looking at me while flashing a grin that I force myself to return.

“I greatly appreciate it, Josh. I really do,” I nod, motioning at Hudson, “Please, take a seat. Make yourself at home.”

He looks at me, a little surprised, “Are we not going out to celebrate, James?”

I laugh a little bit, “Oh no. I hate going out, Josh. I prefer to stay indoors. Besides, I am a hell of a cook. A lot better than what I used to be back in the days of Ramen noodles and peanut butter sandwiches,” I say, trying to hide the shame of my younger days. Abel steps in, whispering to me that I should acknowledge my struggles because it shows what I endured and what I had to overcome in order to be who I am today. I nod my head, “I have evolved in many ways. Many ways…”

Hudson smirks again and takes another look around, “I’ll say. But sure man, there’s nothing wrong with staying in. You know I like simplicity anyways. It was one of the many things I preached when I was training you. Do you remember?” He asks, with excitement in his voice.

I nod, “Oh yeah, I remember. I mean, how could I forget, Josh? I remember everything that you taught me. Not a day has gone by that I don’t reflect on your teachings,” I say before walking into the kitchen. I call out as I begin to grab some glasses out of the cabinet, “Would you care for a drink?”

I hear Hudson reply, chucking a bit, “As long as you can make a better cocktail than you tried to do when you were 21 then sure.”

“I will see what I can whip up. Anything in particular you’d want?” Hudson tells me to surprise him. I smirk at the thought as I begin to mix his drink. I bring him his drink a few moments later and he thanks me. I then return to the kitchen to find Abel waiting for me, “Don’t give me that look, Abel.”

“Have you backed out of the plan, James? I hate to ask but it certainly fucking seems like you are…” Abel hisses at me, getting in my face, showing me his displeasure.

I roll my eyes, “Oh Ye of little faith…I am not just going to rush into this, Abel. I have put a lot of thought into this. You should know that since we are of the same mind.”

Abel replies, “There are some things that you are able to keep from me. I am not afraid to admit that I don’t like it when you do that. I like to be in on things. I hate surprises.”

I pour myself a drink, much different than Hudson’s and I take a sip before responding, “Well, Abel you need to get over that. Life is full of surprises. Or at least that is what they say…” I then turn and walk of the kitchen, joining Hudson in the living room, where I find him stretched out on the couch. I tower above him, “Comfortable?”

He looks up at me, slightly startled, “Oh shit…yeah man, this is one hell of a couch. I may have to confiscate it from you. I get in trouble enough with the old lady that the couch has become my permanent lair.”

I share a fake laugh with him, “Oh, man…how is married life? I never thought you’d finally settle down. Who is the lucky lady and how did you two meet?”

I tune him out as Hudson speaks with such pride as he discusses his married life. He brags about his wife and how amazing she is. He talks about his stepdaughter and how brilliant she is. Hearing all of this makes me sick because the last time we really spoke, Hudson coming down off of some sort of slip into psychosis. He was terrorizing his ex-fiancé, Trish Wiseman and their only child, Alex. Seeing him like this, happy with his consistent smile, makes me want to vomit just after bashing his face in. And then he asks a question that catches me off guard, “So what about you, James? How are things going with you?”

I take another sip of my drink, “What do you mean, Josh?”

His smile fades as he speaks, concern in his voice, “Well, what’s been going on with you? I know you’ve had a pretty rough year in your personal life with your grandmother passing and everything. Not to mention, all of the stuff going on with you and Ace last month leading up to your match at Rise to Greatness. Is everything alright?”

Abel chimes in, “Oh the fucking nerve of this guy. Who the hell does he think he is…asking if everything is alright like you are crazy? That is basically slapping you in the face, James.”

I give a slight frown, “Everything is perfectly fine, Josh. I am a little curious as to why you’d ask me such a question and then bring up Ace Marshall. It’s not like you two are best buddies or anything. I don’t get why you’d care. He and I have our differences. We had our war. I left with the SCW Championship. I am not sure what else needs to be said if I am just being honest with you.”

Hudson gulps down the remainder of his drink. He shakes his head and lets out a deep sigh before looking up at me, “I’m not trying to say anything bad. I know what this sport does to you. It makes you highly competitive. I was the same way, James. I wanted that title more than anything else. I had my wars over it. The last time I won it, I hated Jake Starr. I just don’t think that I went to the lengths that you did. I didn’t try to kill the guy.”

I let out a laugh while shaking my head, “Yeah I know but you didn’t have to see Starr with your kid, Josh. I had to see Ace laughing and enjoying himself with my girls. It was him rubbing it in my face. I wasn’t going to just take that on the chin and pretend like it didn’t happen. Same with him going after Katelyn while she and I were together. He had to pay and I made sure that he did.”

Hudson turns away and stares at the wall, “I’m sorry, James. I wasn’t trying to piss you off,” I say nothing. I take another gulp of my drink then take his glass and head back into the kitchen, where I make him another. I return and hand it to him, as he says, without looking at me, “Thanks.” The fact that he doesn’t make eye contact, it makes the disdain I now hold for this man grow stronger.

I finish off my drink and let out a sigh, “So, you think that I am wrong for the way I handle situations now, Josh?”

Hudson shrugs as he continues to look forward, “I don’t agree with your tactics. Sure, I did those things but the fact of the matter is that, I didn’t go as far as you did with Ace. As far as you have gone even with Syren.”

Abel steps into the room and walks in front of Hudson, staring at my former mentor in disgust, the same disgust I have, “You think he’s gone too far? This man is a fucking hypocrite, James. You need to kick his teeth down his throat. He needs to be coughing up blood and begging for you to stop, begging for his life.”

“Well, Josh…to be honest, Ace deserved it. Syren deserves it as well. At least, in my eyes…”

Hudson shakes his head, “You may think that but what about Amy? I don’t know what’s going on but when I am watching the shows, and hearing these people talking about other stuff going on…it is hard for me to not be concerned. You’re a former student of mine. I am close with your family. Seeing all of this…hearing all of this…that is why I asked if everything is alright with you.”

I scoff, “I am perfectly fine, Josh. I have never been fucking better. You don’t need to be concerned with me. You don’t need to worry about Ace or Amy or even Syren. I will deal with them on my own, in my own way, and I don’t need your approval.”

Hudson downs his drink before getting up from the couch, turning to face me now, “And what about David Miller? You injured him. It looked like you were trying to kill him, James. Were you? Huh…” He says, this time shoving me back a little bit, “Were you, James? I didn’t teach you to do anything like that. I taught you how to wrestle. I didn’t train you to go out and try to end someone’s life.”

I snicker, “Oh Josh…you truly are a fool if that is what you think. As I was saying, you don’t need to be concerned with me or anyone else other than yourself. Especially given the fact that you have quite an amount of hypnotics in your system. And from the look in your eyes, it appears it beginning to take hold of you,” I say, taking note of Hudson’s eyes and how dilated they now appear. I watch as he turns and looks over at his glass before turning back to me. His skin is flushed, going from white, to pink, to blood red like he is close to having a heart attack.

He stumbles forward and I catch him, as he asks, “W-what…what did you give to me…”

A smile forms on my face as our eyes lock, “Oh you know, Josh. A little bit of this and a little bit of that. It isn’t going to kill you my dear friend. It is just going to paralyze you for awhile,” Hudson looks at me, struggling to hold his eyes open, “Let me put it this way. It will have the reverse effect of what the GTS used to have when you used it. It will actually put someone to sleep.”

Hudson blinks a few times, still trying to gain his footing. I watch as he grows weaker the more he struggles, “W-why…why are you doing this to…to…to me?”

“Oh you’ll find out soon enough,” I say before watching as his eyes close and his struggling ceases. I let Hudson slump onto the couch and I stand back, admiring my work for a few moments. Abel steps up beside me as I say, “This man used to be a legend. He used to be fear. He used to be someone to revere, but now look at him. He is a sad excuse of a human being.”

Abel replies, “So what’s next, James?”

“We get him out of here and take him some place a little more fitting for what I have planned next,” I say before reaching down and grabbing all of the dead weight Hudson provides. I lift him off of the couch and drape one arm over my shoulders before dragging him out of my apartment and down the hallway. We get into the elevator then get out of at the basement level, which leads to the parking garage. I drag him to my car and unlock the backseat, where I let his body rest, before getting into the driver’s seat.

Abel sits beside me in the passenger seat and asks as we pull out of the parking garage, “Are you going to kill him?”

I smirk as I shake my head, “Oh no, Abel. I’m not going to kill him. I'm going to do exactly what I did with Meredith. I am going to break him."

____________________________________

August 29th, 2016

New York City, New York

____________________________________

“James! Honey! Are you in there?!?!”

I wake up to someone pounding on my door. As soon as I hear the word, “Honey” I know that it’s Kennedy. I roll my eyes in annoyance as I push myself out of bed. I look at my reflection and I can tell that I am really not in the mood for her today. I hadn’t seen her in awhile and we haven’t really talked much. I wondered when she was just going to randomly show up at my place. I tell myself that I got my answer. As I walk down the hallways leading into the living room, Abel is in hot pursuit, “James, why is she here? We have more important things to attend to.”

Without looking at him I reply, “I know this Abel. I didn’t seemingly forget over night,” I reach the door and open it. Kennedy bolts inside and throws herself on my couch, looking exhausted and distraught. As she lies there, I think back to last night, where Hudson was unconscious on the couch, in the same exact spot. Kennedy looks up at me and we lock eyes, “What are you doing here, Kennedy?”

She throws her head back and lets out a sigh, “Oh honey, Keenie needed to see you. She knows you’ve been busy but life has gotten way too unfair for Keenie recently. I have to share a locker room with someone. That asshole takes a vacation then thinks he can come back and tell Keenie what to do, when Keenie has been busting her glorious buns each and every week. Keenie means, who does he think he is?”

I take a seat next to her as Abel and I both admire her beauty, “That’s what I’ve heard Kennedy. Sorry I haven’t really been able to do anything about that. I’ve been dealing with people like Ace and Amy going around telling lies about me. I am sure that Amy will try to tell you lies as well just to keep you away from me. And not to mention, I have to worry about Syren. She is probably all cocky after she was able to beat me in some tag matches on the house shows.”

Kennedy sits up and wraps her arms around me. She kisses me but I don’t kiss back. Kennedy leans back and replies, “Oh don’t worry, honey. Keenie isn’t going to believe anything Amy says. She is just jealous of Keenie and Keenie knows that you’re one of the good ones. As far as that bitch, Syren…I don’t think you need to worry about her either. You only lost because that cowboy wannabe Merrick is a fucking moron. Mr. Douche shouldn’t have put you on a team with all of that dead weight. Keenie is also pretty sure you scared Syren the other night when you kicked Miller’s ass. Oh yeah, may he rest in peace…”

I smirk, “I hope so. I wanted to make an impression on her. I certainly did with Miller. I don’t care if he rests in peace or not, haha. So back to my original question,” I say as I climb to my feet and stand before her, “Why are you here, Kennedy?”

“Keenie wanted to see you…”

I roll my eyes, “Well it is good to see you, Kennedy. But if you’re not here for anything in particular, I’m going to need you to leave. I have a lot of things that I need to get done before we have to head out for Breakdown…”

A smile forms on her face, “Oh what do you have to do? Keenie can help you honey. You’re the World Champion. You don’t need to stress yourself out. Stress makes you feel icky and look older. You don’t need that. So tell Keenie what she can do to help.”

I shake my head, “This has nothing to do with you, Kennedy. This is something that I need to take care of alone.”

Abel chimes in. I look over and see him standing near the fire place, looking to grow impatient by the minute, as he rocks back and forth, “You’re damn right you need to. Normally, I wouldn’t say this but get rid of her James. Tell her you’ll fuck her later if she wants, but right now, there are more pressing matters.”

Kennedy replies, “But Keenie wants to see her honey. You look stressed already. Let Keenie help you and take care of you. Keenie knows that you missed her…” She says, stepping close, looking up at me with those eyes and pouty lips, “You missed Keenie’s touch of class…” She says, running her hands over my chest and arms before making their way towards my bottom half, “It’s been a long time honey…”

I push her back instantly, “No, Kennedy. Just no. If this is what you came here for then go. I won’t ask you again. You need to worry about taking care of yourself. That is why you’re sharing a locker room with some jobber, some low level no-name. That is why our boss is able to abuse his power. You let him. If you came here because you want me to fight your battles then just know that isn’t going to happen.”

“SHUT UP!!!” Kennedy screams, catching me off guard. She draws in a deep breath, closing her eyes. She exhales and opens them, “Just…shut up. First off, Keenie wasn’t here to ask you to fight her battles for her. Keenie genuinely wanted to see you. Keenie is going through a lot and she felt that she could turn to you. Keenie guesses she was wrong…”

Abel speaks, “Let her go,” He says as we watch as Kennedy gathers her things and heads towards the front door, clearly upset, “Don’t say a damn word to her, James. You need to get back to Hudson…”

I roll my eyes and call out to Kennedy against my better judgment, “Kennedy…wait…” She stops. It takes her a few moments but she slowly turns and faces me. I can see the sadness in Kennedy’s eyes. I have hurt her. Part of me understands and the other part doesn’t. I let out a sigh, “If you want to go with me…you can.”

Abel slams his hand on the table, “Are you fucking kidding me, James? She is going to see what you’ve done and then she is going to stop you from doing what else you need to do.”

I say nothing. I just keep my eyes on Kennedy as she slightly smiles, “Are you serious honey?”

I make my way towards her, taking her hand in mine as I reach her, “Yes. If you want to be with me then there are some things you need to know about me. I can’t tell you what they are. I can only show you.”

Her smile remains, “Keenie knew you were mysterious. Keenie loves it honey.”

I smile as well, “We shall see,” I let go of her hand and head towards my bedroom, where I gather some clothes before starting the shower. I close the door behind me as Abel is right behind me, glaring, “You think she will slow me down, Abel?”

He rolls his eyes now, “Does it even fucking matter what I think anymore?”

Our eyes lock as I stare at him through the mirror, “I asked, didn’t I?”

Abel shakes his head from side to side, “You showed weakness by letting her stay. She is going to see what you’ve done to Hudson already and she is going to lose her shit. I just know it. When that happens she is going to beg you to stop. To let him go and when she does that she will become a liability.”

I nod, “I can see your point, Abel. I am not going to hurt her however. I believe that this will change her as well. I strongly believe that Kennedy cares for me and wants to be with me. I could be wrong and if I am then I will deal with it then. But right now, I see emotion in her eyes when she looks at me. I see happiness. I also saw sadness when I told her to leave. She wants to be around me.”

Abel replies, “So fucking what?”

“So,” I begin before turning to face him, “By showing her, it could change her for the better. She could see what I do and how I do it with such ease. There is a chance that she’d want to be a part of that, to be a part of the violence. This will be the test to show whether or not she is truly into me. Besides, she could help me out if and when everything with Amy comes to the surface as you and I both know it is going to. Kennedy could vouch for me.”

Abel looks away from me, cursing under his breath before locking eyes with me once more, “And if she doesn’t? What then?”

I feel a smirk for on my face as I shrug, “Then she can be hurt, too.”

I jump into the shower. It doesn’t take long before Kennedy is in there with me. We kiss and caress, as our bodies press together, becoming one. Twenty minutes of pure ecstasy, filled with moans, lip biting, scratching of the back, nails in the skin and it seems like everything else fades. After all is said and done, I tell myself that I haven’t felt something like that in a long time.

Abel scolds me, “You need to keep your head in the fucking game. Now is not the time for you to be developing feelings…” I say nothing. I just nod in agreement. Kennedy and I get dressed and then we are out the door, in my car driving away from the city, heading towards Albany. The drive is quiet and I feel myself enjoying her company. I curse myself for doing this. I tell myself just as Abel does, that I need to “Keep my eye on the prize.” As we edge closer, I remind myself of what may happen once I introduce Kennedy to my world. I tell myself that I may have to attack her to make sure she keeps quiet. I repeat this over and over in my head as the drive remains quiet, except for my thoughts, the voices.

And then we arrive.

“What is this place, honey?” I hear Kennedy ask as I bring the car to a stop, just outside of a house that I bought. No one knows about except for me, the real estate agent, and now Kennedy. She looks at it in amazement, her eyes full of wonder. I smirk as I look at her. She then turns and faces me, “You’re not going to kill Keenie are you? Keenie would hate for all those lies to be true, honey. Besides, you wouldn’t want to ruin something so flawless, right?”

I crack a small grin, “I’m not going to hurt you, Kennedy. Unless you ask me to, haha. But no,” I say turning away from her and pointing at the house, “This is my getaway from the city. After my grandmother died earlier this year, I bought this place because it kept me away from everyone. I came here, no one knew where I was. I stayed here in solitude for quite sometime. You’re the first person I’ve brought up here, actually. Well…the first female…”

Kennedy smiles, “Keenie feels so special, honey.”

I nod at her, “You should feel that way. Let’s go inside,” I say before stepping out of the car. Kennedy follows. She looks around at the landscape. The area is isolated, just the way I like it. After leaving here and going back to the SCW, I have never had a reason to return here. That was until Abel opened my eyes to who I truly am. I reach the front door and unlock it, before pushing the door open. I turn and look at Kennedy, “After you.”

Her smile fades slightly. I can see a bit of concern in her eyes, “What’s the matter, honey?” I ask, “Don’t you trust me?”

Kennedy frowns, “Keenie trusts you honey. Keenie trusts you,” She says before slowly stepping inside. I watch the hesitation in her steps. Once inside, I follow and I close the door behind us. I clap my hands together and the lights come on. Kennedy turns to me and gives a playful grin, “Very classy, honey.”

I stay back as she continues to look around the house. She seems to enjoy the scope of the living room. I can see it in the way her eyes beam. Abel walks up from the shadows, “Are you sure that you’re doing the right thing, James?”

I grin as I reply, “I don’t know how this is going to play out, Abel but as I said, I will deal with it however I need to. I am prepared to do what is necessary. You don’t have to worry about that. Just as you are worried with protecting me, I am the same way. I don’t plan on going to prison anytime soon. That is one thing that I am sure of,” I say before walking towards Kennedy. She is staring at the outside view through one of the side windows. I gently take her hand as she turns and looks at me as she smiles, “You like what you see?”

She nods, “Oh yes honey. Keenie definitely does.”

I turn and stare out of the window as well, “I am sure you’re curious as to what I do here. I feel like I can truly trust you, Kennedy which is why I brought you here. To show you what I do here. But before I do, I need you to tell me that I can trust you. So…” I say, turning and staring at her now, “Can I…trust…you?”

Kennedy smirks, “Honey, you know that you can trust Keenie…”

I frown as I reply, “You see, people say that they can be trusted, but when push comes to shove, that turns out to be a lie. I want to trust you Kennedy, but right now, I am not convinced. What I am going to show you…it will change everything between us.”

Kennedy steps closer, bringing my hand to her lips as she keeps her eyes locked with mine, “Honey…” She gently kisses my hand, “You can trust me. Keenie cares for you. Nothing will change that.”

I take my hand away, “Kennedy, I am not going to lie. I am a violent, violent man. It is my true nature. I give into my impulses, no matter who else gets hurt. I would hurt the mother of my children if I felt the need to prove a point. I would curb stomp Ace on a cinder block if it meant I didn’t have to hear another word from that faggot. I would bash a baseball bat into the skull of Syren if I had to in order to keep the SCW title. But what I am going to show you is something different. It is something away from the ring, away from the cameras. The world sees the violence and chaos I can create on television, but I am much, much worse when the cameras stop rolling.”

Kennedy’s slowly begins to fade. I see the worry return to her eyes and face as she tries her best to keep her smile alive, “You’re not bad, honey…”

I cut her off, “Kennedy, I am much worse than you or anyone else thinks. I need you to understand that before I show you. If I show you and it doesn’t effect you then everything will be fine. If I show you and you start to panic then things could get ugly and like you said, I wouldn’t want to kill something so…” I say, eyeing her up and down, “Flawless…”

Kennedy responds, nodding her, “Keenie can handle it honey. Trust me,” She says, not making eye contact, speaking in a serious tone.

I nod my head as I pull a key out of my shirt pocket. I take her hand in mine, placing the key in her palm. I watch as her clamps her fingers together. I then grab her gently, turning her body in the direction I want her. We are both staring at a long corridor and at the end, there is a white door, “Behind that door…all secrets will be revealed. Take that key and open it. You will see what I have been talking about,” I whisper in her ear. Her body trembles at the sound of my voice. This pleases me, “Are you ready? Do you think you can handle it?”

Kennedy says nothing. She just nods. I smirk, “Prove it to me…Show me…honey…” I whisper as I shove her forward. I let her get a foot or so ahead of me before I begin to slowly follow her.

As she edges closer to the door, Abel steps beside me, our eyes locked on Kennedy, “I don’t like this, James. Something is off. I don’t think this is going to go as well as you had hoped.”

I say nothing to Abel as I keep my eyes on Kennedy. She stops, just inches from the door. She just stands there, like she is frozen in time. I step behind her, “Just unlock the door. There is nothing to be afraid of, Kennedy. You said you trusted me…” My fingers slowly glide up and down her arms, slightly pushing them forward. Kennedy grabs the doorknob and sticks the key in. She hesitates and I say, “Go ahead. Unlock it. You can do this,” I whisper. Kennedy lets out a sigh. I kiss her neck as she turns the key and the door pops open. “Step inside…” I urge her by putting my hands on her ass, pushing her forward. She pushes the door open and there she sees him.

Hudson turns his head, glaring at me in disgust as Kennedy snaps around, looking at me, “Is that who I think it is?”

I smirk, “It is Josh Hudson. Former SCW Champion. A legend in our sport. My former mentor and a man I once looked up to. A man I considered to be a father…” I say as I step inside of the room, walking towards Hudson, who has now turned away from and stares at the ground. I have one of his hands and one of his feet chained to a pipe. His face is caked with dry blood. His hair matted with sweat. I reach him and kick his free leg, “Didn’t I?”

Hudson grinds his teeth, glaring at me in anger, “Fuck you, James. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh…you don’t?” I stomp on his ankle and Hudson cries out in pain. I then turn to Kennedy, who is staring at us, confused and afraid. I extend my hand and motion for her, “Come here, Kennedy. You need to see this,” Abel appears beside her, staring at her frozen state before walking toward me. He stands beside me, growing frustrated just as I am as we both yell at Kennedy, “COME…HERE…” Kennedy’s body jerks as if she is awakening out of some sort of trance. She slowly makes her towards me. Once she reaches me, she takes my hand and I pull her close, “Look at him, Kennedy…”

She turns her head away and Abel glares at her before looking up at me, “She doesn’t like this James. She doesn’t appreciate this. You’re going to have to hurt her.”

I lock eyes with Abel and shake my head, before pressing my lips against Kennedy’s cheek, “I need you to look at him, Kennedy. You said I could trust you. You’re not acting very trustworthy right now…” I say, squeezing her tighter as she struggles to break free. I use one of my hands to grab her face and I turn it so she can see him as I speak, “This man once told me that he loved me...that he would be there for me. Well, guess what…he wasn’t. I’d come home from school to find my parents drunk and fucked up beyond belief. If I didn’t show up on time, I’d get beaten. I would tell him and Hudson would just tell me he was sorry, but he did nothing else. When I finally stepped foot into his wrestling school, it became a goal of mine to pay him back for everything that he DIDN’T do for me…”

Hudson responds, “James, I was there for you. Do you not remember? I showed up and I confronted your parents. What else did you want me to do?”

I release Kennedy, pushing her aside, keeping my eyes on Hudson. I grab him by his hair, “You only made it…worse,” I say before driving my fist into his face, “You could have saved…me…but you didn’t. You left me there…”I say hitting him once more. I let his head drop and I spit on him. I then turn to Kennedy, who looks down at Hudson, “Kennedy…KENNEDY!!!” She looks up at me, fuming, “This is me. This is who and what I am.”

She shakes her head, trying to keep her composure, “This…this isn’t you, honey.”

Abel lets out a laugh before addressing me, “I fucking told you so…”

I keep my eyes on Kennedy, “I thought I could trust you. I opened up to you and this is how you treat me?”

Kennedy runs her hands over her face and through her hair. She looks down at Hudson before locking eyes with me, “I can’t be here, James,” She shakes her head again after breaking eye contact, before turning and walking out of the room.

I watch as she leaves. Abel speaks, “Let her go, James. Do what you need to do with this piece of shit then take care of her. She has nowhere to go.”

I scoff before storming after her. I catch up to her in the hallway. I grab her by the arm and shove her against the wall, “Let go of me…Fucking let go of me…” She says, slapping and clawing at me.

I take control her hands, “You say you care about me but when I show you something, you freeze. You stand there and judge me? How fucking dare you!” I shout before throwing her hands to the side, “I showed you the real me and you judge me? If that is the case then there is no reason for there to be an us. I am going to go back in there and I am going to have some fun. I am punishing those who have hurt me in the past. I could do the same to you but I have chosen not to. You should show me some respect for that, Kennedy,” She lowers her gaze from mine. I grab her chin, lifting her face up so that we are looking into one another’s eyes, “Are you going to be here for me, in moments like this?”

She tries to turn away but I maintain my grip on her face. I repeat the question and she finally responds, jerking away from me and taking a few steps back, “Keenie is all for getting payback when it’s necessary. But this…this honey…” She says, pointing towards the room, “Is different…”

I snicker before pointing to the room as well, “This is what you need to do. This what you need to give into in order to take back the respect you believe you deserve. You want to get your own locker room back? You want to not be seen as a joke…then you need to take matters into your own hands. You need to punish those who try to humiliate you, Kennedy,” I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath before slowly exhaling, calming myself, “I have lost pieces of myself throughout my lives. I may never get them back but I am going to take from others so that they know what its like. You can be there with me but just know that if you’re not then that means that you’re against me,” I say before turning away and walking back into the room, slamming the door behind me, reminding myself that I still have so much work to do.

That this is only the beginning.

____________________________________

"B U R N"

9-2-2016

____________________________________

Let me start off by asking…how’s the leg, Rayvn? You think you can intimidate me? Well, you are wrong. I fear no one. I fear nothing. I was born into a world of violence. Anything and everything you throw at me…it will be nothing new. And Ace…I am sure you enjoyed your short lived victory, because unlike you, Rayvn and Syren…I bring the fight to you one on one. All of you may think me to be a coward, but I am not the one playing the numbers game. You all want to protect and save Syren, but at Breakdown, I showed you that you need to focus on yourselves.

You see, Syren, once upon a time, you were growing up in a happy home. You were raised to believe all things were possible, that you could be anything. You wanted to take a different path. You wanted to achieve greatness on your own, and you have done that. While you were living out your fairy tale, I was living in a nightmare, where nothing seemed to be possible, where there seemed to be no escape of the hell living and growing inside the walls of my home. But at Apocalypse, your fairy tale it is going to burn. And I am going to be the one lighting the match before stepping back and watch everything you have worked for and built go up in smoke.

You wanted a women’s revolution and you got it. The SCW, the Triad, the entire wrestling industry is covered in female wrestlers who have stepped into the spots originally designated for men. You, Christy Matthews, and so on and so forth, you all changed the main event scene and made it your own. And no, I am not saying you didn’t work hard, that you didn’t earn it. If that is what you think then you need to bite your damned tongue and save your breath. You did work hard. You did earn it, but so did I. I worked hard and I earned it…this championship, this spot. I just didn’t get recognized from day one. You did however. You’ve been a fixture in this company since 2009. You were groomed for this spot, while I spent years being frustrated and waiting for opportunities. I floundered while you had the chance to swim with the sharks, becoming one yourself, and keeping many wrestlers down below that glass ceiling.

The glass ceiling that I kicked the fuck in at Taking Hold of the Flame, outlasting you and so many others who were pushed ahead of me despite not being here nearly as long as I have. You want to talk about me leaving and coming back? Go ahead. I got something for that too. When you have to show up for work day in and day out, seeing the same people getting the same spots, getting the same opportunities, it becomes a little more than disheartening. But there is a revolution happening now Syren and it has nothing to do with you. It is in spite of you. The SCW has always been there to catch you when you have fallen, making sure you don’t fall very far. Sunday night, at the Apocalypse, as the leader of this revolution, a revolution of violence and fear, I am going to be the one holding the rope, watching you struggle to maintain your grasp on the main event scene, and then…just when you believe that you can reach out and grab a hold of it, smothering it some more…something you have done these last few years, I will cut the rope and watch you fall.

I want to see the fear and the panic in your eyes as you try to grab whatever you can in order to stop it from happening but know this, Syren…Sunday night, you will experience and come to know loss. You have become a dynasty in this company. Your brand has become an empire like Rome and like Rome, like an empire, there comes a time for everything to break down and crumble. Your time is now. You have had your moment in the sun. The spotlight has shined upon you long enough and it is time for you to crawl, alone and afraid, in the dark.

You see, I am sure your father shielded you from the ugliness of this world while you were living your fairy tale. I am sure he did all that he could to protect you from the boogie men of this life, to keep your reality from becoming a nightmare. Everything has always been for you, Syren. But in just a few days, you will come face to face with the boogie man, the personification of the ugliness created by this world. And hearing this…you may call me psychotic, taking a page out of everyone else’s book, namely Ace Marshall, the man who represents everything that you hate in men, yet you choose to meet him for drinks and your wife makes a mockery of this sport with him, but before you call psychotic…think about what makes someone grow psychotic, what makes a man go mad.

Instead of giving me a cheap imitation of psychosis, just as you did with your representation of men leading up to your match with Ace…I want you to really think about it. Society drives men and women mad. Society produces so many things. Drugs, alcohol for instance, they are created within our society. Those things can make a man lose his mind. I will give you that. Society also shapes people, making them snobby, giving them this sense of entitlement, making them believe that it is okay to make fun of those who are less unfortunate. You look down upon me, Syren whether you admit it or not. I have never been on your radar. The SCW has seen you as someone of higher value when compared to me. If you don’t believe that then look at the war against New Eden and the Blood Grove. I was asked to step up and fight one time and when my team couldn’t get it done, the SCW turned you, praising you as are their hero. I asked to join the fight, to get another shot, to fight in the main event against them inside of Tactical Warfare, yet I got nothing but crickets.

I was cast aside like garbage.

Garbage like that happens every single day and not just in the wrestling profession. You can take another page from Ace’s insult handbook and say that people need to just man up, but as I told him, it is easy to say that when the world has been given to you on a silver fucking platter.

But that sort of thing happens all over, every day and it makes people snap simply because they are sick and tired of it. They attack society, going after those bullies, those who hold them back, those who earn everything easily while they struggle day in and day out.

If that makes them…if that makes me…psychotic, then so be it. I have been sick and tired of seeing you getting treated like royalty. You are talented, Syren. I give you that. You can get it done in the ring but you judge people and bury them, because you think it’s funny, you feel you are talking truth. And you may have fans who think its funny as well. You may inspire them to go out and bury their peers, mocking them but it won’t be funny when they have a gun pointed in their face. And that is what is going to happen to you, Syren. I am the gun pointed at your face, ready to take it all away. There are those in the locker room who see you as a cancer and they want you removed. There are those fans who admire your work ethic just as I do, but they are sick of having you shoved down their throats, just there are those in the locker room who are tired of having you shoved in their faces as the standard bearer.

Because you are no longer that standard.

I am.

And I am unlike anyone you have ever faced before, Syren. You have fought devils and bloodstained jokers. You have fought hellcats and you’ve stood up against blood groves as well as perfection. But you have never faced me and there is no nickname here. No gimmicks here. I am full of hatred. I am a pissed off individual and I am going to hurt you, Syren. You can make a mockery of that too. You can tell the world that I get off on hurting women, but bitch…you signed the dotted line when you joined this company. You knew exactly what you were getting into. Like I said before, you wanted women to get the same spots as men and you got them. I am going to beat you just like you were anyone else. I will take pleasure in it, but I am sure you have picked up on that.

Just as I am sure you’ve picked up on the fact that I am not going to giving this title up so easily. I know you’re a threat. I know that you can take this championship from me. You’ve beaten many as I have stated before. But the thing is… so have I. The only difference is that I am now getting recognized for it. I had to force my way into this spot, to earn this position, to wear this crown. I am not going to let this moment, this piece of time go away because right now, this is my era, this is my revolution, this is…my time.

So you can be totally jealous…after you wake up in the hospital. This is real, Syren. The hatred and disdain that I have for you is real. This match is personal for me. This will solidify me as World Champion, as a true main eventer and I will be damned if I allow you to take that from me.

I am going to enjoy watching your fairy tale burn.

And remember…everything burns.