After having visions of murdering someone. After threatening the lives and the well-being of many of my co-workers. After being labeled vicious and dangerous, it is safe to say that I have had enough.
I look up at Dr. Vaughn, “Yes…I am more than sure. This has to happen. I am putting myself into your hands.”
Vaughn nods before exhaling, “I am willing to accept you into my hospital, James. But for your case, things will be a little bit different. I am going to do all that I can in order to help break you away from the voices in your head, from all of the pain and suffering you’ve endured as well as the pain and suffering you’ve caused.”
I nod my head this time, “I trust you, doc. You’ve always tried to help me, but I listened to the voices in my head instead of the voices around me, telling me what I needed to hear. I ignored getting help. I know now…that I can no longer ignore it. What Abel wanted me to see was a reality that could be. I have to do all that I can to prevent it from happening.”
Vaughn replies, “I want to help guide you back to this reality, James. My methods are considered unorthodox, but I have helped many patients in your state. Your case is very different compared to theirs. You are a more complex case so to speak, but I have no doubts when I say that I can help you. That I can cure you.”
I go to speak, but the words do not come out. I look down at the floor, staring at my feet. My left one is tapping and I know it is because I am afraid. I am afraid of what I will hear and learn about myself. I never wanted to be sick. I never wanted to be considered crazy. I just wanted a normal life. I still want that. I lift my head up and meet Vaughn’s gaze as I manage to say, “I just want peace, doc. I think that no matter what…I deserve that.”
“And you do, James. I will work with you until you find peace not only in your spirit but in your mind as well. I hope you truly believe me what I say those things.”
“I do, doc…” I exhale deeply, “I do…”
“Then…are you ready?”
I push myself up from my seat and look around the room. I brought nothing with me except my phone. I recently had an exchange with Amy Chastaine where I thanked her for beating Abel. He grew weak and I knew she wanted to hurt him, even me because all of the hell she has been put through. I tapped out because I wanted her to know that she beat Abel senseless, she broke him down. Once he was beaten down, he became overwhelmed and then he disappeared. I tapped out because I didn’t want to fight Amy. I never did. All I wanted was to be her friend, but now…friends or not, I am just glad she is safe. I am also doing this for my daughters. Keira is afraid of me and that eats at me every single day. Kelly may be suffering from the same condition. If I can learn anything to help her then I will be all ears. She doesn’t deserve to suffer like I have. She is too beautiful for this bullshit. They both are. Katelyn doesn’t deserve it either. As a father, I have been a shitty one. I smile as I think of my girls and how this is probably the best thing that I could ever possibly do for them.
I hand my phone to Vaughn before speaking once more, “Commit me…”