I even asked for a break from competition, like some sort of mental health day so to speak. I heard about those a few times during my brief stay in college where I studied social work before getting into drug running and professional wrestling. But that break was apparently denied. I can stand here and say that the SCW is out to get me, that Oleska Drachewych wants to abuse me mentally and physically, but the thing is…that would be a bold faced lie. I wanted to do what I always do. I wanted to return to my comfort zone of running the fuck away and never looking back. That is what I wanted to do. I couldn’t handle losing, especially the way I did against Gable and Autumn. I got suplexed through a fucking chair and it knocked a few screws loose. I felt embarrassed. I felt like I had it coming, because in all reality, I fucking did.
I tried to rebound with everything after that. I tried to work things out with Kennedy, by going out and attacking Nicole Kinneck, better known to wrestling fans as Ducky, but that didn’t go as well as I had hoped. That is when Auclair came out of nowhere and clocked me, knocking me out cold as a block of ice. I tried to get over my loss at the last pay per view by rebounding with a win over Tyler Tucker, but thanks to Jake Starr, Tucker won by disqualification and before I had any chance to respond to Starr’s attack, I got clocked in the head with another chair by Craig Thomas, letting me know that Adrenaline Rush was going to ride high that night and that is was best for me to just fucking lay there, motionless. All I could tell myself was that I fucking deserved this. That I brought all of this onto myself. I lost theme music so I am just that guy that walks out looking like an idiot.
And that is why I have reached another point in my road where I want to look up to the sky, lift my fists into the air as I am looking at God square in the face and shout to him that ‘Enough is Enough’. I have had enough. I am tired of burying myself in shit over and over again, instead of working my ass off and trying to climb out of that shit hole that I have placed myself in. I know that I have to man up and grow the fuck up. But saying it and thinking it is a lot easier than it is to actually do it. But that could be me just trying to justify the fact that I have yet to grow up and act my age which is pushing 30. I don’t want to do what I have been doing for the rest of my life. And what I have been doing besides creating a world of shit for myself, but I have been pushing people away, throwing them away like nothing more than bags of garbage. I have shoved those that I care for, even when I don’t act like it, and those who truly care for me away from me, as if I don’t want them around yet, on the inside, I am screaming for them to come back. I can see myself down my knees, pleading with them to come back, but due to the nature of me, I just let them go.
Letting go is something I deal with behind closed doors, in the darkness of my apartment, swimming in a pool of liquor and various other substances. You know, living that rock and roll lifestyle that will probably lead me to death by the time I am 30 if I don’t get my shit together. And that is what I want to do desperately even it cannot be seen on my face or in my eyes, or even heard in the words I speak if we are talking face to face in public, or when I hold a microphone in my hand with a camera in my face. I have been blinded by my arrogance, as I try to outweigh my desperation, my longing to not only be loved but to love myself, which is something I have never been able to do, something I’ve never been able to obtain. It is one of those mysteries in life that I have never quite been able to crack, but I want to.
But I am no detective.
I am just a man grasping onto the end of his pitiful rope, looking around for a helping hand yet never seeing one.
_______________________________________
“Alright Mr. Evans, by the looks of these scans here, everything seems to be fine. You are in tip top shape.”
I look at the x-rays scans of what is supposed to be my brain and I have no idea how to tell if the doctor is legit or a total quack. I am not a brain surgeon. Hell, I remind myself, I am pretty sure I’ve killed more brain cells than anything else due to my love of the ganja. The doctor with his almost full unibrow and wrinkled face covered in a full gray and white beard smiles at me as he tells me the news. I force a small grin, “Are you sure? I hate to question you, but I have taken a lot of shots to the head recently.”
“What is it that you do again, Mr. Evans?”
“I’m a professional wrestler…” I reply after a few moments of hesitation, given the fact that I feel like I am going to be fired for all of my recent actions. I think there is a part of me that would love that because the idea of tucking my head between my legs and running around like a chicken with its head cut off is lingering in the back of my mind.
“And they allow you guys to beat one another with chairs? I’m sorry. I am only asking because I don’t watch it. I haven’t since I was a young lad.”
I nod, “That would be a big yes. I have lumps on my skull to prove it despite what your little X-rays say.”
I lean forward and point them out. The doctor touches said lumps on the top of my head, buried underneath loads of hair. I mean, going through a chair thanks to Gable added one. Then Craig Thomas clocking me added number two and then there was that shot from Auclair which became number three, the one that took the cake.
“Well,” He says, his fingertips grazing my results of bodily harm, “I guess occupational hazards would be the right label for that.”
I want to tell him that I knew that already, but I don’t, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
The doctor slides away in his little chair, placing his hands on his knees, staring at me once again through his thick black framed glasses, crinkling his nose and flashing a grin, “So is there anything else I can do for you? You said you wanted to have your head checked and everything seems fine although I would say to avoid taking shots to the head if you could.”
I fake a laugh a nod, “Yeah, I will see what I can do when it comes to that doc. I haven’t made a lot of friends in my profession and I’ve pissed an entire list of people off. And when I piss them off there just happens to be a steel chair nearby and then…well…you can guess how that goes.”
I fake another laugh because I can tell this guy is onto me. He is a doctor after all. While I am worried about brain injuries and or concussions, I just really want someone to talk to. It is crazy I know. Being in a doctor’s office is a bit odd to say the least. I am here and I can agree with that. You would think that I’d go visit one of the billions of shrinks in New York City or the several that I have on speed dial, but I didn’t. Seeing therapists has bored me and truly led me nowhere. All they do is sit there, scribble on their notepads then look at you and nod, followed by scribbling and some verbal bullshit to match your bullshit before one of you states that time is up.
I think this and I feel nothing short of glum. I let out a sigh and stare down at my bare feet as I am wearing one of those little nylon aprons they have you wear at hospitals, “But I’d say that if you say I’m alright then I guess there is nothing else.” Uttering those words creates a whole new level of loneliness that begins its crash course as it races through my body.
“Are you alright, Mr. Evans?”
Hearing that makes me want to break down and tell him what a fuck up that I am. I want to confess to this total stranger how I have burned bridges and pissed all over everything I’ve ever been handed or earned, taking every single bit of it for granted and that living in my twenties has been nothing short of a shit show from the start to right now, but I don’t say any of that. I just shrug my shoulders as I reply, “Not really doc, but I’m working on it.”
I stand to my feet and walk over to the smaller table and grab my clothes. I turn around to find the doctor walking towards me. He extends his hand and I take it, almost desperately, like it is the one thing I’ve been waiting for my entire life.
“I don’t know what that means Mr. Evans, just as I don’t know if what I am about to say is true, but whatever is going on in your life, I am sure it will sort itself out and you will be back to your old self again before you know it. Just keep your head up. Unless a chair is being swung towards it of course,” He says with a small chuckle.
I nod my head and force a small chuckle as well, trying to mask the fact that his words made me feel some sort of joy, “Thanks. I really hope you’re right. But then again, I hope I don’t return to my old self. My old self has gotten me into a lot of bad situations.”
“Well, I hope that you find the side of you that will lead you down the right path.”
Our handshake ends, but the thoughts running through my mind do not as I make my exit from the room into another room, where I change into my clothes. I button up my shirt and I find myself staring at the face in the mirror and all I can think about is whether or not the man in the mirror will be able to see the right path long enough to follow it through to the end.
And then I say as my mind conjures up the answer I don’t want, but an answer of truth as I think to myself, “Who knows...”
_______________________________________
I rush into my apartment building, doing my best to avoid the bitter chill of the cold. I rub my hands together, blowing air into them, trying to warm my hands and fingers. I jog up the steps turn a few corners then stop dead in my tracks as my arms fall slowly to my side as the wind is repeatedly knocked out of me, with my eyes resting upon her as she sits across from my door, her back against the wall as she stares back at me.
For a moment, I ask myself if I am dreaming. I feel like I am being visited by a ghost from my past, but when I start walking towards her, I feel her presence more and more, knowing that she is real, even if seeing her here is haunting. Her long black hair, her pale skin, her eyes flashing over and over in my mind, making me remember why I fell in love with her so long ago and how much I have truly hated myself for throwing it all away. As I stand before, she flashes me a grin and I nod my head, a grin forming on my face as well as I say, “Katelyn…”
She nods her head and smirks before climbing to her feet. Just having her so close to me almost knocks me out, hitting me harder than Auclair could ever imagine, “Hello James…”
I stammer a bit, hating the fact that I’ve been in such an emotional state recently. That is life’s way of bitch smacking you back into reality or so I’ve been told, “How…how…how are you? How have you been?”
“I’ve been better but thanks for asking.”
I lower my eyes from hers, slightly shaking my head, as I truly have no idea what has gone on in this woman’s life. The last time I spoke to her was over fucking Twitter where I talked to her like she was worse than the shit on my shoe, calling her a whore and disgracing her accomplishments of achieving the IWC World Championship. Deep down, I admired her but I had to say differently because I felt that I would have been seen as weak which was not what I wanted. Here recently, that strong façade is starting to crack and crumble. I feel it more now as the words escape my lips, “I’m sorry…”
She replies, but knowing like I do, I can detect the sarcasm in her voice, “Oh don’t apologize, James. There is nothing to be sorry for.”
I don’t even give her a chance to continue, “But I am sorry, Katelyn. I called you a whore on Twitter. I have called you a bitch. I have bad mouthed you and dragged your name through the dirt. I should have been cheering you on. You became World Champion. That is an accomplishment you once thought you’d never achieve. I should have shown that I was proud of you instead of talking shit about you.”
“Alright James, look I don’t know what to say to you about all of that. I’ve been called a whore and a slut for as long as I can remember. A lot of that I brought upon myself but I’ve grown up and moved on. Fuck it, ya know? And I won the World title. I am proud of myself. I earned it. I did it on my own. I did it when no one thought that I would, but I fucking did it. But James, I am not here to listen to any apology, okay? So please just spare me. That’s all I ask.”
I nod my head, my eyes still not meeting hers, “Alright that’s fair. So what’s been going on with you if you don’t mind me asking?”
She sighs and shakes her head, “Well, I have to deal with William’s bullshit as he is trying to get custody, mainly because I’m a bitch but that has never really changed.”
“Want me to kick his ass?”
“James, be serious. You can’t really give him grief. You signed over your rights to our girls. At least he wants to be around them.”
I go to say something but I can’t. Her words sting, but I know that her words are true. I did sign my rights to my children away. I was never there for them and they didn’t need a father like me. I have been someone who was involved with the criminal underworld and in a way, I signed them away to protect my children. I also did it because I wasn’t ready to grow the fuck up and be a man, to be a father to my daughters, to be a father unlike my own. I have said it was because I didn’t want to deal with them, but that was never true. I am hating myself even more right now as the self-loathing begins to kick in full fucking force.
“You’re right Katelyn…I have no room to talk at all. I know that. I shouldn’t have said anything so I’m sorry again. And I swear that will be the last apology…for tonight at least,” I say, just trying to lighten the mood. I can tell by the look on her face that my attempt at humor isn’t going anywhere. I curse myself under my breath before speaking to her, “So I guess the bigger question is what brings you here, Katelyn? It’s great seeing you so don’t get me wrong. It’s just…It’s just we haven’t spoken in person in a long, long time.”
She throws her hands up and rolls her eyes, “To be honest, James, I am not really sure why I’m here. I am trying to move out of New York and head to California. I feel like the girls and I need a fresh start somewhere else that isn’t New York. I didn’t want to come by but I did. Something tugged at my heart strings I guess you could say and well…here I am…”
I draw in a long and deep breath before responding, my voice cracking somewhat, “Would you like to come in?”
She looks around the hallway, looking one hundred percent unsure before shrugging again, “Sure. Why the hell not?”
I stick my key in the door and undo the deadbolt before pushing the door open and motioning for her to step inside, “Come on in. Just overlook the mess.”
As she passes by, I catch a whiff of her scent and it takes me back to the days where we would be making out something fierce in the hallway before stepping inside, but she brings me back to reality as Katelyn says, “It’s not like I’ve never seen your apartment look like shit before, James…”
“Very true,” I say as I step inside, keeping a good distance from her as I don’t want her to feel uncomfortable or threatened before closing the door behind me. I cut the lights on as Katelyn enters the living room area. She takes a look around before facing me and cackling a bit, “What’s so funny?”
“You’re right,” She says, eyeing the room once more, “It looks like shit. Like a lot worse than the last time I was here if I remember correctly. But back then, the girls were over here so I’m just curious what you’re excuse is now.”
“I’m sure I can conjure up a lot of excuses but I am not going to waste my time. I don’t think anything would really excuse this,” And then it just comes out of left field, “So California huh?”
Katelyn nods, placing her hands on her hips, “Yeah I think so. At least that is the plan at this very moment, anyways.”
I cross my arms, feeling something that I didn’t expect at all. I feel sad and angry and upset, when I really have no right to feel these things, “So you wanted to come by here and tell me this? Why?”
“Oh James, don’t give me any shit. It took a lot for me to come over here. It took a lot for me to get out of my car after sitting in the parking lot for only God knows how long, but here I am.”
Still feeling upset, I shake my head and step forward a little bit, “But why? I don’t get why. We haven’t spoken to one another, at least not like adults, in years.”
She rolls her eyes again, “Fuck James…I came here to tell that I’m moving more than likely and that the girls, your daughters, will be moving with me. I figured you being their father or lack thereof, would want to spend some time with them at least once before we move. I came here to talk to you about it even when I didn’t want to…”
I scoff, “And why wouldn’t you want to? I’m their father, Katelyn…”
She cuts me off, “Since when James? You played daddy for like what…a month? Maybe two and that was two fucking years ago. You signed your rights away. You haven’t called or tried to check on them, even when you had rights,” She pauses and shakes her head, “This was a mistake fucking coming here…”
I put my hands up as she begins to move, hoping she will stop. She does and looks at me, glaring and close to tears all at the same time. Seeing her this way, and feeling the way I do, I want to cry myself. I exhale sharply, “Look, let’s just calm down. You are right, Katelyn. I haven’t been there, but I’d like to be. Let’s just take a breather and cool down so we can talk about things like rational adults. We’ve never really done that. We’ve always yelled at each other at some point or another. Can do we just chill for a minute?”
She doesn’t say anything, still fighting back tears just as I am. I exhale once again, “Please?”
“Fine…just give me a minute…”
I nod my head, “Yeah you got it. I am going to run to the bathroom so please…make yourself at home…” She nods at me and waves me off as I turn and speed walk to the bathroom, closing it behind me. It slams which is not what I wanted but emotions are overflowing through me right now. I press my back against the door and I try to muffle my gasps for air. I turn and look at my face in the mirror, as I repeat to myself, “Get it together asshole, get it together…”
I take a few quick deep breaths, keeping my eyes locked in on my reflection before pushing away from the mirror and stepping outside the bathroom to find Katelyn standing there, shaking her head, holding an empty liquor bottle in one hand and an empty pill bottle in the other. My heart gets stuck in my throat, keeping me from speaking before dropping down to my stomach, as she says, “Well I see what you’ve been up to with your time, James.”
I can’t think of anything to really cover my ass, feeling like this opportunity is slowly slipping from my fingers, as I go with the cliché, “It’s not what you think, Katelyn…”
“Oh it’s not? Do you have prescription for these, James?”
No I don’t, I think to myself, but someone else did. I’ve been taking pills for quite some time, doing my best to keep it a secret but now, I stand here defeated, knowing the secret is out. She shakes her head as a few tears drip from her eyes and stream down her cheeks, the cheeks I used to kiss before my lips would meet hers, “I didn’t think so, James. Goddamn it, I feel like such an idiot.”
I close my eyes as I respond, trying my best to keep it together and not have a total break down right here and now, “You’re not an idiot, Katelyn. I’m the fucking idiot…” I’ve been taking pills to deal with the life I’ve been living, using pills and alcohol as a coping mechanism. I want to tell her that she has no right to judge, but I know that she does. She got clean and get her shit together unlike me, as I keep falling into the same trap, telling myself the same bullshit, that it will only be one time, one hit, but it never ends there.
“You know, you’re right. You are a fucking idiot. You see yourself as such a piece of shit so you allow yourself to be just that. This shit is not you. It never has been. I see it just as I saw it years ago. That is why I fell in love with you, James. You were different underneath it all, even though you tried so hard to be something you’re not…Trust me, I know what it’s like. I did it for years. Now, I’m a mother and I have girls to worry about. I wanted to share that with you, but…” Her voice trails off, as she shakes her head. She takes a few deep breaths then lifts her head up and wipes her face, “Fuck this…” Katelyn says as she begins to move towards the door.
She brushes by me and I don’t have the strength to stop her. She drops both bottles to the floor. The glass liquor bottle shatters upon impact and I don’t jump or anything. I just stare at it as the door opens and slams shut. I stare at it, feeling nothing short of defeated.
_______________________________________
I stare at the camera, sitting in the bleak darkness of my apartment, still feeling the effects of the visit with Katelyn. I feel like shit and I look like shit, but right now I don’t care about appearances. Calling myself a low life would not do me justice if I’m just being honest. Right now, it’s hard to focus on my match against Collin Cole, but I tell myself that I have to. I just feel this heavy weight, crushing down on my chest, crushing me mind, body, and soul. I want to reach over and grab the camera and hurl it against the wall, but I don’t. I close my eyes for a few moments, telling myself once again to, “Get it together asshole, get it together. I open my eyes and lean forward, grabbing it and pressing record as I begin to speak.
“Heh…”
I turn away from the camera for a brief period, feeling weak. I repeat the same words again before turning and facing the camera once more, hoping that I can keep it together during this.
“My war against the SCW and its powers that be…is a war that I created in my mind. I blamed them for all of my transgressions. I bashed everything the office stood for and believed in when it came to how this company should be run. I fought against them, I felt they were pushing me therefore I pushed back, being every bit of the asshole that I have been known as for nearly a year. I wanted the main event spotlight. I wanted the championships and all of the opportunities others were being afforded. I spoke out against the owner, blaming him and those who work with him for everything that was holding me back. I started this so called war and it is time to come to a moment of clarity. It is time for me to admit something that I have tried my best not to do, because I have always had way too much selfish fucking pride.”
I let out a sigh, feeling some of the weight removing from my chest. Not a lot, but some. I tell myself that it’s a fucking start before continuing to speak, clearing my throat as I can feel how emotional I am starting to become.
“This war that I have created, is a war that I have lost. I felt that I was fighting for myself and for my career, but in the end, I was fighting for no real reason. I was clinging to anything and everything to be relevant. I spouted sentences full of nothing but pure grade A bullshit. In this moment, as I come to Jesus so to speak, I can say the words that I have needed to say for a very long time. I was fighting yes, but I was fighting who I truly am. I have been beating myself up, knocking myself out, and leaving myself in the middle of nowhere, left for dead. My true self, the real me, came back to haunt, showing me that it crawled through the depths of the Hell that I created for myself, to let me know that it is here to stay no matter how far I choose to bury it.”
“In saying that, this is yours truly, James Evans, speaking from the heart, uttering two very important, very pivotal words that are to be directed to Mr. D, the powers that be, the SCW fan base, those in the locker room…well most of them. Those two words are two words that I have never really been able to say, which is a nice way of saying that I have never had the balls to say the words. It is even eating at me right now, there is that selfish side of me, full of stupid pride, that just wants to say fuck you and fuck it and fuck everything, but I know what I have to do, I know who I have to be, even if it is out of character, even it comes off as a shock, or even if those I am saying these words to choose not to believe it when I say and the words ring in their ears. But here goes…”
(Inhale)
(Exhale)
“I’m…sorry…”
More weight is lifted.
“I am sorry for everything that I have said and done. I am tired of speaking from a place of hate and disgust. I was turning myself into a cancer, a cancer I never wanted to be. I’ve always heard that you become the one thing I try hard not to be, and that is what I allowed to happen. I lost control of myself. I am sorry for being the nuisance that I have been. I am saying to you the fans, those who have helped this company become the place to be, the place to compete, that I am sorry. I am sorry to you, Oleska Drachewych for placing the blame on you, for breaking the rules, for annoying you, for causing you nothing but headaches.”
“I am not here to make any promises. God knows that I am in no position to do that. All I am going to do is try to keep my head straight, to keep my mind in the right place, and to keep my focus on what it should be on, which is wrestling and bettering myself not as an athlete, but as a person. I may not be a champion in that ring, but I can be a champion outside of it. I want to bring that mentality to the table in and out of the squared circle. I am done with doing things my way so to speak, because doing things my way has never been the way it should be done. What way am I talking about?”
“The right way…”
“Doing the right thing does not consist of running out and attacking Ducky. It is not going out and bad mouthing anyone and everyone. It is not finding Jake Starr and clubbing him with a chair, or returning the favor to Craig Thomas from two weeks ago. It is not finding Matt Auclair and knocking him out, catching him unaware. Doing it the right way will be to face Tucker and Craig in the ring and fighting them one on one, straight down the middle. It would be to meet Jake Starr in the ring during the course of this Shot of Adrenaline tournament and knocking him down a peg or several. It would be to meet Auclair in the ring as well and give him another run for his money as I did nearly two years ago. I will meet all of them in the ring at some point and when that time comes, I will deal with each of them one way or another. When it comes to Jake and Matt, I will not apologize for the hell I am going to put them through. I haven’t forgotten about either of you and you may think I am a weak link, or label me this or that, but you can bet your asses that I am going to show you just how strong I am. That is the plan this week as I will find myself looking across the ring at Collin Cole.”
“You and I have a history, Collin. Our paths crossed a few months ago when we had David Helms in the equation. I was the asshole and you wanted to face David out of respect. I had another agenda. I had a personal vendetta against David for a long, long time. I didn’t want you to there, Collin but to be honest, you showed that you deserved to be there, that you are very much one of the hottest rising stars in this company, as well as this industry. And that is something that I can admit that I am envious of. Yes, you heard correctly. I am envious of you. You have done this the right way. You worked your way up, unlike me. I pushed to be pushed to the moon. I pushed to rush me into the forefront of everything when I sure as fuck wasn’t ready. If I could go back and redo things, trust me I would. I didn’t want to have any regrets then, as I didn’t want to be like my mentor Josh Hudson, who worked his way up, just as you have done. I wanted the world then and I wanted it right now. I stand here before you as a man who regrets just about every single aspect of my career, as well as my personal life. I don’t know about your personal life but I know of your wrestling career and you have worked your way up, enduring the hardships and sticking with it no matter how many times you win or lose. I wish I could say the same Collin, but I can’t and that fucking eats at me. It eats at me way more than you could ever possibly know.”
“And to continue with my honesty and openness, Collin, I am sick and tired of things eating at me. I am tired of making an ass out of myself. Sure I like to laugh and have a good time, but my behavior has not made me laugh. I haven’t had a good time. I have spewed hate as I said earlier and that hate has made me bitter. I don’t like being bitter. I don’t like who I am when I am bitter so I haven’t liked who I am for a long time, which I am sure you could imagine. But you Collin…you are strong, man. Mentally tough just as you are physically. At least that is the way I see things. You may have a totally different point of view but standing on the outside looking in, I see that I have every right to be envious of you. You may shake your head at that, thinking that you haven’t had much success in this company, but when you look at it, you really have. You won the United States Championship on the biggest stage of them all. I have yet to win a title at Rise to Greatness. Hell, I am pretty sure my win-loss record at that event is lopped sided to say the least. You took David Helms to his limits in the encounters you had with him. You beat David Miller in the middle of the ring and whether anyone cares to admit it, that man is a threat to everyone when he is on his game. Hell, you’ve done well in the Shot of Adrenaline tournament and you came very close to dethroning Selena Frost for the Adrenaline Championship. My rise in this company doesn’t compare to yours as you have waited your turn, going through the motions, earning your spot instead of fucking demanding it like me.”
“I applaud you for that Collin.”
“Just as I want to go ahead and applaud you for the match we are preparing for. I know that you are going to walk into this match focused and determined. I know that. You always do. You are one hell of a wrestler and you only keep growing week in and week out. That is another thing that I am envious of. I have stated that I only get better the more I do this but the thing is, those are just words. You actually show it with your actions. In my eyes, you are one of the best up and comers in this company. You are one of the best in any company and hell, you are better than me. In saying that, I know that I am going to be in for a fight and that I am going to have to dig down deep in order to give you a fight that you deserve, a fight that the fans paid to see, and a fight that the SCW has needed and deserved from me for a very long, long time.”
“You, and everyone else included, may think that I am just blowing smoke and talking shit, that I am not being sincere. I deserve that. Just as I deserve the boos I am surely to receive this week when I walk out to the ring, just as I deserve any insults and jabs you take at me, because in reality your words will not be insults. You will speak truth. I have been a coward. I have been an asshole. I’ve been a shit. I’ve been a fucking disgrace. Anything negative…I’ve more than likely been it. And neither you nor anyone else, have to believe my words or accept my apologies. I get that and I understand that. I am going to do what I have to in order to make believers out of you as well as everyone else who has seen me as the snake I have been known to be. I am going to fight like I am starting out at the very bottom and I will fight until I hit my peak then fight some more. This is the beginning of something new and true, Collin. This is going to be a fight where I endure all of the abuse and punishment I have coming to me. But don’t get me wrong. I am going to dish it out, but I will do it the right way, the honorable way, in between those ropes from bell to bell. In saying that, Collin may the best man win. Good luck, good night and be prepared for one hell of a fight.”
The words exit my mouth and I feel a tingly feeling shooting up and down my body, as I lean forward and cut the feed. I lean back in my chair, drawing in some deep breaths, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the emotion coursing through me, but there is a slight smile making its way onto my face.