My last match on Breakdown, I found myself standing across the ring against Collin Cole. But I wasn’t focused on him, at least not at first. I walked out, once again, no theme music. I flipped off the fans who were booing me. My stupid pride got the better of me that night. I let my anger show its true colors like an idiot. I hated myself stepping in between those ropes and I stared at Collin Cole, still hating myself, awaiting any and all punishment that Collin wanted to unleash upon me.

Because I deserved it.

Collin and I tore into one another like no other. That kid brought the fight to me, pushing me to my limits. He didn’t give me an inch. I had to take every single inch I could, fighting with all I had, but Cole fought harder than I did and I barely pulled off the win. I knew, standing in the ring while having my hand raised, that I barely pulled it off. I walked to the back and still had the same mentality. I had gone through one hell of a battle and I had gotten lucky.

I buried my hands in my face and I wondered what Collin was feeling at that time. He and I had a history from last year. He wanted to beat me senseless after I ruined his match against David Helms. I can’t say I blame him. Sure, David Helms had me placed in the match but I didn’t belong there. When Collin and I squared off the other week, he wanted to teach me a lesson. While he may not have won, Collin did teach me a lesson. He showed that I will get whatever is coming to me and it won’t be titles or any awards. It will be physical abuse, the kind of abuse I’ve inflicted upon people such as David Helms, Gable Winchester, Tommy Valentine…it seems the list could go on and on and on. I will also endure verbal abuse from the fans and my fellow superstars, which I deserve because I have bashed women in this company. I have pissed all over everything this company has stood for and brought to this sport that I love. I pissed all over it just by opening my mouth. I know that I am going to have endure it from all sides, no matter the form of abuse, and that is because I deserve it, just as I stated to Collin leading up to our match.

I will take it like the man I should have always been in front of the camera, in between those ropes, and away from the spotlight. But I will deal with that when the time comes, as right now, there is a man that stands before me that deserves everything that I do yet so much more. This is a man that I have respected as well as hated for so very long in my career. I felt that way even before I ever signed my SCW contract.

This is a man who has bashed me for over half a year, criticizing my every single move. He criticized me for trying to form a relationship with Kennedy Street. He said I did it so I could use them to get the top. I did it because I was attracted to her and to be fucking honest, I was lonely. He has constantly reminded me of how I get to a good point, looking like I am going to breakthrough, yet somehow I always drop the ball. He’s right in that regard. I do drop the ball. I know that I do. I have to deal with it every single day after I lose the big matches. This is a man who has stated that he carried us as a team. I didn’t see it that way as I have always given my all. It is obvious that my all wasn’t good enough for this man and that he sees me as someone who is beneath him. You can hear it in his voice and see it in his eyes. If I am being honest, it drives me crazy. No matter what, even when we’ve been on the same side, he has pissed all over everything I have fought for, like the few accomplishments that I have garnered have never meant a damn thing.

This is a man, that like Oleska Drachewych, I have blamed for a lot of my transgressions and setbacks. I have hated Drachewych just as much as I do the man I will face at Breakdown and just like Drachewych, despite my hatred; I have always felt this need for their approval. As sad as it seems, it is also true.

This man is Jake Starr and he is a man that I do not need any sort of approval from. I wanted him to accept me and give me the credit I do deserve, not the sort of credit or respect that I have demanded in the past, but the credit and respect that I do deserve for being a strong wrestler, someone who doesn’t give up when the fight is on, and someone who always give one hundred and ten percent. I have learned recently that I will never get it and while that upsets me and angers me, I know that there is nothing I can do to change it.

All I know that I can do is hurt him and while yes, I do mean physically, I know that I can hurt him where it counts, which is mentally. The man I am preparing to face is one of the most highly decorated superstars in the halls of the SCW. He is one of the best talkers when it comes to picking up the microphone. He is the type of wrestler that many strive to be, just because he is one of the best and will go down as such.

And it is because of those accomplishments and because of that aura surrounding Jake Starr, that I have to destroy him.

This match will be much more than just the Shot of Adrenaline tournament.

It will be much more than personal.

This will be total fucking war.


It’s been a few days since Katelyn showed up to my door. A few days since she discovered the ugly truth about me, a truth that I thought I could have kept a secret, or better yet, a lie. I learned that night that I cannot outrun my lies. They are always there, ready to show their ugly faces, flashing their gangly smiles, letting the world know just how much of a fuck up that I am.

Here is some more ugly truth. Even after Katelyn left, I sat there on the floor, my eyes fixated on the empty liquor bottle as well as the empty pill bottle that Katelyn discovered and threw on the ground before storming out of my apartment. I told myself then as I have repeated to myself over and over again since then that she had every single fucking right to be pissed. Katelyn had issues herself, but she has cleaned herself up. She even has a good man in her life. She seems to be in love, at least according to the photos posted on Twitter. You can call it stalking and you would probably be right, but it is a constant reminder that I need and deserve to be tortured by, as it shows what I could have had but pissed away.

I reminded myself of it after she left, grabbing my phone and clicking on Twitter, viewing her photos, seeing her and her new boyfriend, a kid with a bright future. He is an ex-junkie himself and he seems to be doing well just as Katelyn is. I see pictures of my daughters that I threw away like they were old action figures or something. I tortured myself and then I got up off of the floor, going into my bedroom, going through my dresser drawers as my hands emerged with my secret stash, popping a few pills into my hand. I then returned to the kitchen and grabbed another bottle of liquor, removing the top and plopping down in the floor once again. I looked at my hand, staring at the little blue pills before looking at the bottle of Jack in the other and I let out a sigh as I heard a familiar voice.

It was my father. A ghost that I knew and thought I had lost, that I felt I had rid myself of. I guess some demons never stay dead and buried after all.

Charles Evans: “Oh look at you, James. Are you feeling sorry for yourself again? When are you going to get over that shit? I’d tell you that it is killing me to see you in this sort of state, but I’m already dead so it wouldn’t make much sense.”

I shook my head, telling myself that he wasn’t there, that he wasn’t real, but for some reason that wouldn’t register with my mind as I found myself engaged in another heated battle.

James Evans: “Don’t you have someone else to bother or to haunt? I’d rather be left alone to my self-loathing if you don’t mind. I don’t need your company, or the company of anyone else.”

Charles Evans: “But you’d love the company of someone else. You could have had that Kennedy cunt but you fucked that up. Hell she’s probably banging that guy you once considered a friend…what was his name? Ace? Yes. Now there’s a real man…”

James Evans: “You would know a real man when you’d see one, is that it? Oh please. Go fuck yourself. You were never a real man. You ran from everything. And you want to give me shit for popping pills and drinking? Where in the fuck do you think I picked up the habit, Dad? I’d like to go on record and say that I learned from the best.”

Charles Evans: “And there you go, blaming me for all of your transgressions. I don’t think I’d be in the minority if I were to say that it’s time for you to man up and take some responsibility for your own bullshit, James. You can go on, living your life hating me, but you can also better yourself. You just have to want it.”

James Evans: “I don’t think you’re the right person to give me advice on a matter such as this. You always drowned your sorrows in whiskey. Hell, you did the same thing when you were happy. The result was always the same either way. You were an asshole who never cared about anyone else but himself. So don’t stand there and try to lecture me on being a man or bettering myself, when you made doing shit like this seem to be worth living for.”

Charles Evans: “Well whatever worked for me may not work for you. And by the looks of it, it’s definitely not working for you, I’m afraid. Booze and pills just don’t suit you. You could always stick with the Mary Jane. I know you have always been a big fan of that.”

I turned away from the ghost and shook my head, growing sicker and sicker of it as well as myself, quietly asking for a reset button on my day. Anything to just be able to remove the evidence from my apartment so that Katelyn would not have seen it at all.

James Evans: “I think it’s safe to say that I have always been a big fan of anything that would help me cope. I don’t think I ever gave a damn what it was.”

The ghost spoke once more.

Charles Evans: “And there lies your problem…”

I looked up and the ghost was gone. I was alone again, with my pills and my liquor in both hands. I called myself everything under the sun, be it a pathetic excuse of a man, a disgrace, the list went on and on. I hated myself for traveling down the path I found myself on, but that didn’t stop me from downing the pills, taking them with the liquor. I then rested my head on the kitchen floor waiting for the numb to show up so I could succumb to it. While I waited, I repeated something over and over in my head. I kept telling myself that it would be the last time.

And so far, it has been the last time. I feel incredibly weak right now, and I have a match coming up in a few days against someone I know that is hungrier than me and in way better shape than I am, mentally at least. I am in a Catholic church, sitting in one of the back pews while a funeral service is going on. I am sitting here, not knowing a single soul in this house, not even knowing the person who passed. But I tell myself that I am here for the same reason everyone else is here.


I have managed to blend in with the crowd, nodding and shaking hands, stating that I knew the deceased, that we used to work together as kids. The person who died is only a few years older than me so it works out. I am not proud of the fact that I have lied in a house of God, but right now, I am trying anything to get God’s attention if He does indeed exist. I feel like I am twitching somewhat. I want a drink. I want a pill. I want the fucking numb so bad that I can taste it, along with the battery acid coursing through my system as withdrawals have set in. I am not going to be worth anything when I step foot into the ring Wednesday night, but as always, I am going to give it a shot. Just as I am going to get into God’s good graces.

Well, after I am forgiven for crashing this funeral. That’s me trying to make light of the situation, which is something I always do when it comes to committing shitty behavior. I try to justify it, but sooner or later the guilt rains on my parade and then there is no other choice except to accept the truth that I am an asshole.

I hold my hands together, hoping to keep the shaking at bay and it works slightly. I sit and I wait, my eyes watching as people walk up and down the pews. I listen the sermon, if they call it that in Catholicism, something I haven’t practiced in only God knows how long. I can see the tears streaming down the faces of the many loved ones of the deceased and I feel for them. I find myself shedding a few tears here and there. I see them smiling through the tears and I envy them more than I would ever tell anyone.

I would like to think that people would feel this way about me when I die, but I haven’t been the best when it comes to being a person, or an upstanding citizen. I have shit the bed more than anyone really knows and more than I’d care to admit.

The church begins to clear out and I just sit here, keeping my head lowered, doing all that I can to avoid eye contact with the total strangers that I sympathized with and envied. I wait for the chattering to stop as well as the music being played as the family and friends made their exits. I then find myself, sitting alone in the back pew. I look around before turning my attention to the front, with the statue of the Lord looking back at me, peering into my soul, searching through all of the darkness, hoping to find a heart. I tell myself this, a part of me hoping that He finds one.

“Can I help you my son?”

The voice comes from behind me and startles me. I was preparing myself to have a one on one with the Big Man upstairs. I was hoping to be able to vent all of my frustrations, all of my sickness, on a replica of the Lord in hopes of finding some sort of answers as well as inner peace. I didn’t want to tell a real live person all of my bullshit because I judge myself way too much. I don’t think I can handle being judged even further. I turn and face what appears to be a priest. He has a look of concern on his face, like genuine concern, something that I doubt I have ever truly had in my lifetime unless it was for myself.

James Evans: “Oh um….”

Priest: “Were you here for the funeral?”

I want to lie and tell him that I was, but I can’t muster up the strength to lie anymore.

James Evans: “I’m not sure what I’m doing here, at least during a funeral.”

Priest: “But you have a reason to be here, nonetheless?”

I nod, trying to shake the feeling that he is condemning me to the pits of Hell right here and now.

James Evans: “Yeah I came here for guidance and answers. I guess you could say that I am here for a confession of my sins.”

Priest: “First off, we need to get the basic question out of the way. Are you a Catholic?”

James Evans: “Yes…it’s just been a long, long time for me…”

He nods his head before leading me down the aisle and the next thing I know, the little sliding door opens.

James Evans: “Forgive me father for I have sinned…”

Priest: “Tell me my son, when was your last confession?”

I clear my throat and look down for a few moments, sighing while cracking a smile, before lifting my head up, locking eyes with the priest.

James Evans: “Forgive me father, but I can’t recall my last confession.”

He closes his eyes and nods his head.

Priest: “Tell me why you are here my son. Confess your sins…”

James Evans: “I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been down one hell of a road. My life has been quite the shit storm these last few years, father. It makes me wonder if God is even real. If he is then is he watching over me? Does he see the hell I go through? I mean, to me, it’s like he isn’t paying attention, or he is and God is just loving what he sees.”

Priest: “God is not laughing at you. He is watching over you. I can also assure you that He is paying attention. God tests us in ways, just to see how much we can handle. You say you are going down a difficult road. God would not put you on this road if He didn’t think you could handle it. Tell me, what you have encountered on this road.”

I think about the drug running. I think about going undercover. I think about taking the lives of other men, but I can’t really stomach that shit right now, so I go with the most recent batch of hell.

James Evans: “I’ve been abusing alcohol and prescription pain medication. I’ve been using as a way to cope with everything going on. I’ve been using for awhile…”

Priest: “So what has made you want to confess this, son?”

James Evans: “I could sit here and say that I want to get clean, but the truth is, I was caught. The truth came out. There is a chance that had I not been caught, I may be high right now. But I got caught and I have been even more disgusted with myself as time has gone on. So I’m here, confessing this because I need someone to…not to bash me, but to steer me in a new direction. It doesn’t have to be the right direction, but a direction that leads me elsewhere…far away from the hell I’ve been finding myself in consistently.”

Priest: “You think coming into the house of God will provide you with that guidance?”

I shake my head and shrug my shoulders.

James Evans: “I really don’t know, father. I hope so. I want it to be. I feel like I need it to be. I am struggling, grasping for straws here to be honest. I feel like I am at the end of my rope and I’m close to losing my grip. I know what happens when I fall. I will go back to the same thing, doing the drugs, getting myself into a hole that I’ll dig deeper and deeper.”

Priest: “Maybe you need to open up and actually have a conversation with God as well as a real conversation with yourself. I feel, and I’m sure you do as well, that you know what you should do. You’re just afraid to do it.”

I bury my face in my hands for a few moments, shaking my head from side to side.

James Evans: “I am….I am afraid…”

Priest: “And what is it that you’re afraid of?”

I feel my muscles loosen up and tears trying to form in the corners of my eyes as I let out an exasperated breath before responding.

James Evans: “I’m afraid of myself.”

The priest looks at me, confused but interested.

Priest: “What do you mean by that my son?”

James Evans: “I’m afraid of a lot of things. I am afraid that I will become bored with my life if I do something different compared to what I’ve been doing. When I become bored, I do whatever I can in order to feel alive, or I get depressed and turn to abusing substances to deal with it. I am afraid that I will get clean and sober, that I will have everyone believing in me only to piss all over that by relapsing again. I am afraid of the fact that I have probably ruined all of the most important relationships I have ever had in my life and that I will never be able to truly have another one with someone else. I am afraid that I will…”

The tears finally arrive, shuffling across my face in rapid succession, as I feel my heart snapping like twigs underneath feet on a long hike.

James Evans: “I am afraid that I will never know my daughters, the daughters that I turned my back on…I’m afraid that I will never be a good man. I’m afraid that I am going to end up dying alone, and that no one will give a damn…I’m sorry for cursing father. I am just in a bad state right now…because I am mostly afraid of turning out like my own dad. That is and always has been my biggest fear…God…”

I shake my head, wiping away the tears and snot off of my face with the back of my hand.

James Evans: “I am such a broken record.”

Priest: “How so?”

I crack a desperate grin as I throw my hands up in defeat.

James Evans: “I have sung this same song and I have done this same dance just on a different stage so many times throughout the last few years. Father, I am just oh so very tired of it all. I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be a new me, a totally different person who had it all together, someone who has it all figured out. But I know, like most things, that is just wishful thinking.”

Priest: “You may not wake up tomorrow as someone who has it all figured out, but no one else does either. You could wake up and it could be a day where you really try to start living differently, trying to live a more meaningful life that isn’t filled with booze, drugs, and debauchery. You just have to be willing to wake up and fight against the influences of the world, and focus on bettering yourself from the inside out.”

James Evans: “You make it sound so easy, father. I would love to do that. I really would. But then there is that part of me that wants God to come down and stand before me so we can box it out. Win or lose, I would love for Him to feel what I have felt, even if it is only ounce of my pain.”

Priest: “You want God to feel sorry for you and take pity on you.”

James Evans: “It’d be nice if someone would…”

I watch as the priest shakes his head.

Priest: “No one is going to pity you, especially God. He has a divine plan for all of us. He sets things in motion, but it is up to you as to how you react. We were all blessed with free will. Some of us choose to poison ourselves; while others choose to embrace the opportunities we are given and use them for good, not only of ourselves but for the world around us. You can do the same if you try. It won’t be easy son, but nothing worth it ever is. I struggle every single day to keep my faith, with all of the evil going around me and the rest of the world. It would be easier to pick up a bottle or pop pills. You know this from what you’ve told me. I can hear the sadness in your voice. You want something more for yourself than that. You may be afraid, but you have it in you to find peace. It may not be the kind you seek, but it is the kind that you need. You will realize that when and if you choose to find it.”

I don’t know what else to say. His words bring me what I was looking for when I first arrived. I have a sense of comfort. It isn’t a lot, because his words also provide fear within me. I am afraid. For reasons I’ve mentioned and so much more.

James Evans: “Thank you father…”

I am running down the aisles before he can tell me how many hail Maries and our Fathers, before he can absolve me of my sins. I race out into the street, the cold of winter greeting me as the wind bites my face. I hear horns honking, people yelling at one another. I hear dogs barking. Kids screaming with glee as they race by me on the sidewalk. I feel like the Grinch with all of the noise, noise, noise. I want to be a part of it all and I have the tools to do so. I just can’t use them because I don’t know how. I have played an arrogant prick on television with the SCW for so long, but that is all it was.

An act.

I can’t act anymore. The mask is off and I see all of this life going on around me. I feel a desperate need to be a part of it, a yearning to feel alive, yet I do nothing about it. I bury those needs of desperation in pills and liquor. In random hook ups with women who mean nothing to me. It is all cliché. It is all that I really know.

But there is more to life than this, I tell myself.

There has to be. I want it. I need it.

I tell myself as I take a good hard look at the world as it speeds by me, like I don’t exist, that I have to have it. I need it like the air I breathe.

I tell myself that only God knows if I will ever attain it.

And that scares me to death.


I sit at the kitchen table of the hotel room I am in, preparing for my upcoming match at Breakdown against Jake Starr. I have a million things running through my mind, with the main one being how bad I want to hurt Jake Starr and shut him up for at least three seconds. It has only been a thought until Supreme Saturday. At Supreme Saturday, one could say that I was a busy man. I didn’t participate in the Trios Tournament, which is something I didn’t deserve to be in for all of the behaviors I mentioned in my promo leading up to my match against Collin Cole. I have been battling issues so the way I see it, I was a flight risk when the teams were being made. Hell, I could still be a flight risk. And while I may not have been in any of the matches, I made my presence known nonetheless. It started when Matt Auclair began to attack his teammates after they suffered a loss. Auclair delivered the Deathblow to Christy Matthews before turning his attention towards Donovan Kayl. I made my way through the crowd, not sure why, as I had stated on numerous occasions last year that I hated Donovan Kayl. I even challenged the man to fight me over and over again. I tried to hurt him and I even hurt his students, yet I felt my legs and feet moving quickly as I found myself moving through the crowd and hopping over the guardrail, sliding into the ring. Once I got there, I realized that I didn’t have much of a plan so I had to improvise. I drove my foot into the back of Auclair’s head. I took a small split second to look at Kayl, who had suffered a beating at the monster’s hands.

It didn’t take long for Auclair to get back up. I know this from experience that he is a hard man to keep down. I sprang into action, using all that I had to drive him over the top rope with a clothesline, putting all of my power behind it. After he was disposed of, I made sure to check on Donovan. I made sure he was alright, knowing that I had saved him. I surprised myself. I looked down at the man that I wanted to maim the same way I did his best friend, Simon, and I realized that maybe I had changed somewhat. I felt better about myself knowing that I had actually saved someone else, that I wasn’t thinking about myself and no one else.

I did the same thing as Jake Starr began to attack Derek Adonis after Derek was pinned during the Trios Tournament. Jake decided to show just how much of a sore loser that he is by grabbing a steel chair and beating Derek with it. The crowd clamored for Ace Marshall to step in and do something, but I wanted a piece of Starr. It was my fight, at least that is how I saw it in my eyes. I ran down there and the roar of the crowd motivated me even more as I slide into the ring and took Starr down with a spear, ending his violent rampage. I fired away, nailing him with as many punches as I could before he rolled out of the ring. Starr, once again, acting as if I did nothing to him, stated that all I could do was attack him from behind. The way I saw it then as I see it now, was that I made the smart move. Why attack a man swinging a chair from the front? Had I done that then I would have ran down there for nothing, giving Starr more of a chance to hurt Adonis for no reason. Starr also said that he always had to carry me. I told him to get in the ring and find out. He didn’t budge. At Breakdown, he will have no choice. At Breakdown, we will find out if he has what it takes to carry me. At Breakdown, I am going to carry him through the fight of his damned life. As the thought exits my mind, I draw in a deep breath and hold it for a few moments before exhaling as I lean forward and press the record button on the camcorder, as I begin to speak.

“When you look at the rivalry between myself and Jake Starr, it would be easy to see the one constant. That constant is ego. Jake Starr has an ego bigger than John Holmes’ dick and my ego has always been an issue with me. When Jake and I have met in the ring in the past, he’s beaten me one, two, three, or I managed to outlast him in a battle royal, or we found ourselves fighting to a draw. The one constant in Jake’s ego is that he has always stated that I get on a roll, only to lose momentum and go tumbling down the ladder of success again. His statement may hold truth, but that is all he has ever really said about me. He has never given me proper credit. Even when we were teaming up recently, he stated that it was a matter of convenience, never really giving me my proper due as his tag team partner. I played along with it, stating that Jake and I came together because we wanted to hurt others and get them out of our way.”

“It has been stated by quite a few people that he and I didn’t deserve the SCW Tag Team titles nor the respect we had been demanding. And those people were right. One hundred percent. I don’t know about Jake, but I couldn’t admit it then because of my ego. As I’ve said he and I have our egos, his is far worse than mine. I know Jake Starr will go down as one of the best in this company and this industry. He has earned it and he deserves that recognition. He’s held the World title three times. He is a Supreme Champion, which is a feat that is hard to achieve, but he’s done it. He has stepped into the ring against the very best this company has ever produced and he has beaten them. In saying that, I can also say this and I know that it holds true. The catch phrase “best in the world” has been passed around quite a bit over the years in this industry, but it’d be difficult to not say that Jake Starr has been the best in the world and could very well be known as the best in the world once again. He has what it takes and no one can really take that away from him.”

“Jake Starr will deny me a lot of things when he opens his mouth about me. I know it and he knows it. He has taken every single opportunity in the last few months to bash me and shovel dirt all over me. It is just the Jake Starr way. I am just shit on his shoe if you really listen to him and the way he talks about me. He will talk about how I tried to hook up with Kennedy Street in order to reach the main event scene. I guess it’s wrong to want to get to know someone because you find yourself attracted to them. If I wanted to sleep my way to the top then I would have gone after Syren or Rayvn Taylor years ago, but that isn’t my style. Even when I have been an ego driven maniac, I have always tried to earn my way through winning matches and beating the big names to get noticed. But Jake will not admit that or even point it out, because it would be beneath him. Jake Starr, despite being one of the best in the world, cannot stand if someone he is associated with gets even a small crumb more of television time or spotlight, which is more than likely why he turned on me not too long ago. It has always been the Jake Starr way. Don’t believe me?”

“Ask David Helms…”

“Jake’s ego destroyed the Brotherhood a few years ago, because his brothers were taking over and moving up the card, gaining more and more momentum, leaving Jake behind. He couldn’t stand it. He bitched and whined to find himself placed in a triple threat against Tommy Valentine and Lucas Knight for the SCW World title. His ego even drove Knight away from the SCW. His ego shone through even more when David Helms stepped up to face him for the World title and things got worse when Helms beat him twice with the World title on the line. Jake’s ego couldn’t handle it then so he left. This time, Jake’s ego couldn’t handle me being seen on TV with Kennedy Street and Ethan Von Aaron, because I was being seen a little more than he was. I want to go on record and say that I apologize Jake for not putting your needs first. I am sorry that I wasn’t focused on making sure your face was seen and that you were front and center of my life and wrestling career. I am sorry I didn’t put things on hold for you. Jake couldn’t accept this apparently, so he left me in the ring against Gable and Autumn, turning his back on me. Jake didn’t leave the SCW, but he made it a point to cost me a match against Tyler Tucker. I know Jake did it because he views me as weak and not worth his time. If you don’t pick up on that when he opens his mouth, spewing bullshit in reference to me, then you might as well be Helen Keller reincarnated.”

“Jake may view me as the weak link, but I know Jake is a threat. I know that this is a big match for me. This is a match that has been building up for a long time and it is finally here, in the midst of the Shot of Adrenaline tournament. The winner of this tournament will be known as the SCW Adrenaline Champion when all is said and done. That is what Jake wants more than anything, but then again, Jake wanting to be champion of some sort in the SCW, isn’t much of a surprise is it? I can’t knock him because the man is driven, but it’s hard not to scratch and shake my head when he calls the Adrenaline Championship the equivalent of his throne.”

“Jake claims to the king of the Adrenaline division. Jake, once again despite being one of the very best, is delusional and has a higher opinion of himself than anyone else ever will. When I hear someone claim to be king of a division, it is like they took the division to new heights. Katie Steward was the Queen of the Women’s division because she took it to new heights. Jake took the Adrenaline division to new heights when he first won the title back in ’09, but since then it has been elevated by the likes of Red Rayne, Selena Frost, and even the current champion, Christy Matthews. Rayne entered the Adrenaline tournament last year as champion and went undefeated, keeping the belt with her. No one else can claim that, not even Jake Starr, no matter how good he is. It is all ego with Jake, as he claims he is king and that he has a throne. If you really look at it, all competitors are kings and queens in some regard. When they’ve achieved success, that makes it so, because they are feeling on cloud nine. I’ve been there myself and I love the feeling. But I don’t have a throne, nor do I want one. My ego is different in that regard. When I get a title or when I am competing for a title, I go out there and I fight like a soldier fighting for something that I want, something that I believe in. I don’t go beg for a title shot like Jake did with the Adrenaline title leading up to his Rise to Greatness match against Thirteen for the strap. Jake did it for himself, and no one else. He didn’t care for the title. He just wanted the belt to keep him relevant, when he doesn’t need to do so.”

“Jake is relevant with or without a title, but his words and his actions have told a different story. He knows that he has it in him to be champion, but he also finds himself losing those titles, dropping the ball, just as I have. But it’s okay for Jake Starr to drop the ball, yet it is joke worthy when I do it, or someone else like Collin Cole. Jake shits all over other competitors, especially those in this tournament, who make up the Adrenaline division, which Jake doesn’t give a damn about. He just wants the shiny gold belt so he can lift it up and point at it while laughing at those who are hungry and chomping at the bit for the title. People like Cole, like Tucker, like Amy Chastaine…people like me, who are willing to fight with everything that we have despite being pitted against ego driven, power hungry tyrants such as Jake Starr. And if Jake Starr wants to return to his so called throne, so he can piss all over the SCW Adrenaline title using as nothing more than a stepping stone to the prize he wants for a fourth time, then I have no issue with stepping up and leading a revolution against him to make sure that doesn’t happen anytime soon. I have no doubt that it would be a one man revolution as I said a few weeks ago, I’ve burned plenty of bridges to make others doubt me, but I will fight with the heart of a Persian army, fighting for the rest of the Adrenaline division who want the championship for what it is worth and not just because. I will fight for myself because this match against Jake Starr at Breakdown will be a war. He will bring his best and I will bring mine and I will fight until the end.”

“Jake I have put up with you bad mouthing me. I have put up with you putting me down. I deserve it from a lot of people, but you’re not one of them. I used to fight, hoping that you’d respect me and give me some sort of recognition, but the only thing that you recognize is that I “drop the ball”. This week, I am going to fight you. I have allowed my ego to control me. That is no more. I want to better myself in and out of the ring, but this week it’s personal. My ego isn’t going to control me, but I am going to fight to knock you down a peg or two. I am going to go into this match with a clear mind. I have plenty of reason to hate you and I have made mention of that, getting it off of my chest. Now the time for talk is over. The only thing that matters is stepping into the ring with you, where I will have the chance to hurt you, to hurt your standing in the Shot of Adrenaline tournament, and to let you know that I am better than you’ve ever given me credit for, and that you are good but not as great as you make yourself out to be.”

“And I know that there is a chance you can beat me, that I could drop the ball yet again. You will brush it off like it’s nothing to beat me. But should I beat you, it will be like winning the World title for me. It will be like getting a win for the good guys so to speak. Beating you is important to me, Jake. Not to add another win to my record, but to be able to say that for one night, if it is only once, but for one night, I…James Evans…was better than Jake Starr.”

The words cease, but my mind continues to run rampant. My heart continues to beat hard against my chest, as I can’t stop thinking of how awesome it would feel just to be able to finally bring Jake Starr down. I won’t accept it if it’s not clean. I tell myself that I have what it takes to beat me. Jake may not think so, but at Breakdown, he will learn a hard lesson. I feel so overcome with emotion after pouring out my heart, emptying my brain of the thoughts and feelings I have experienced leading up to this match. I tell myself that I have to make the most of this match. I tell myself that I may not get another chance like this. I remind myself that it is…

Now or never…

I release another deep breath, telling myself to keep focused as I learn forward and press the stop button, before leaning back in chair once more, my eyes to the ceiling, my mind on Jake Starr still, like beating him has become one of my only reasons for living. That is how much it means to me. I tell myself I cannot fail.

I smirk as I tell myself…

I won’t….